This is in response to another blog, entitled, "Infidelity," which can be found here:

www.thoughts.com/index.php

Well, before I became a Christian, I was in an emotionally/verbally/psychologically abusive relationship with a guy (this was almost 10 yrs. ago). He treated me like crap, always picked fights with me over trivial things, and blamed me for his anger at me, etc. There was a heated argument every night w/ this man. His family wasn't any nicer; his mother and sister were very jealous of me, and this was evident in their snide comments toward me.

I met someone who treated me like a human being, and who was very warm and kind to me, and who was going through the same things with his wife. After a period of 6 months of loooong talks over breaks at work, we became closer and developed feelings for each other. Mind you, we both had plans to leave our S/O's anyway - regardless - and we had discussed this at the very beginning, when we first started talking to each other. He was already in the process of divorcing his wife when we started talking to each other. I broke it off w/ my abuser before I did *ANYTHING* to further my relatiinship w/ the new guy (no, we never had sex). I never was the type to physically cheat on someone - I couldn't bring myself to that point - still can't to this day. I wouldn't want it to done to me, but technically, I guess I emotionally cheated on my abusive b/f, but then again, I didn't cheat sexually. But I think my reasons were valid. I wasn't in much of a relationship anyway, because mine was abusive. You can't destroy a relationship if you don't really have one to begin with, can you?

I disagree that you teach people how to treat you. If someone is going to be mean to you, they are going to be mean - no matter how nice you are, no matter how indifferent you are, no matter how much of a (meany that starts with "B") you are, no matter what you try. Believe me - I have tried everything in the world in order for people to treat me right; however, it has been my experience that if they're just a mean person, then they are mean, and nothing can change that, and it's NOT YOUR FAULT. I feel that people who say/believe "you teach people how to treat you" don't have the perspective of the one being abused, and I also feel it's either an unsympathetic person's way (or an abuser's) way of making excuses for treating people like dirt. That's what abusers do - they place the blame on the victim. Take a look at Dr. Phil; he's known for his past of being an abuser/cheater and he uses that same exact phrase.

Anyway, now, because of my faith, I do not condone divorce, nor do I condone cheating. I do, however, understand when a person seeks happiness outside their current relationship due to abuse. I know what happened in my past was wrong on ALL parties - even including what I did. But at the same time, it seemed like the right thing to do was to leave my abuser and start a new relationship with someone who treated me the way a lady should be treated. If I had that whole scenario to do over, I wouldn't have done what I did - I would have just left the guy. Now, people who cheat on their S/O "just because they can" or "just because they feel like it" are a different story. They are definitely WRONG for doing so, and it is definitely THEIR problem - not the one being cheated on.