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It seem I have gotten busy. I have seen my new counselor 3 times now. I like her a lot. I hope we can help me sort out my head.

On the 17th, I go see a Dr, Who will runs some test to see what kind of depressing I have and then figure out what kind of Meds I need to be on.

Why do I have to be so messed up. I know I am not crazy, I am not that depress.. But I would love to be able to live without Meds, and outside help. But my brain is not wired right. I do like the way I see the world. My husband say he like the way I put things. So If being put on meds, just helps me walk a straighter line,, then I guess I better do it.

I got to talk to HIM yesterday. He was not feeling well. but is better today. I am so glad to hear that. I really miss talking to HIM. He could always put a smile on my face. One day I would love to just be able to set and talk. Pick his brain like I know he would like to pick my, it would be interesting to see how we each stood on stuff.

My parents come down to see us this weekend. It was real nice to have them here. When they have come in the past , they don't stay long. But this time they did, So we got to do more. It was also tax free weekend, So we did a lot of shopping. We also went to a Natural Science Museum. It was great. I have never been to it before. It had a lot of stuff that they have found right here in MS. So that was cool.

Hubby has been a little better. It is funny how it took me to hit rock bottom for him to realize that I need more from this marriage then he was giving me. NOW he wants to learn how to dance. Well where were you months, years ago???? He did a better job in the bed room the other night. Remember some of the stuff I have been trying to get him to do for years.. WOW.. Need your spouse to change...........HIT ROCK Bottom.. work for me.

But we still have a way to go. Don't know if we will make it there or not. I am about ready to give up. Just for the simple reason if he could not do better when I just ask,, but now that I am deep in depression he is welling to change,, WEll then it is too late.

I will have to think about that.

IF: I was to leave him:
I would move back to AR,, but my daughter loves it here now. so I am sure she would stay. Then I am not moving to AR, I would stay here with her. Which does not help make me happy, but she only has 2 more years of school before she goes to college. Which might be in AR..So we will see.

IF: I was to leave him:
I won't be able to get a job. I have never been to college. I have never worked. Who would hire a 43 year women who has never really had a job. Part time,, yes but that was really part time, 9 week for 2 to 3 hours a week. That's not working. PLUS that just scars me. It feels like a Teenager going off on their own for the first time. I know I could not make it.

IF: I was to leave him:

The thought of being alone.. Not sure I could handle that or want that. How hard is it to find someone else to love? Hubby and I have been married for 23 years, We have been to so many places and done so many things together, How do you forget that? How do you go from one life to the next one? What do you do about the history you had?

Posted by carla1019 on 2009-08-05 12:57:35 | Rating: