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Is it over?

Hubby and I talked some last night. Don't remember now what all was said. But I remember thinking that I don't love him any more. I used to think I did. Not sure when I stop.

I don't look forward to him coming home everyday after work.
I don't like talking to him on the phone.
I don't like talking to him at all.
Now its the little things that are getting to me. Things that I used to over look, are now standing out.

Now I don't know what to do. Get a Divorce? stick around to see what happens?

I go see my Therapist next week, guess I will start talking about this now.

Well the phone rang while I was writing that, and now 2 days have pass. I have lost where I was going with all of that. So will start a new page,, so to speak.

Like I had said in the above part. The little things. and some of it happen so long ago.

He came home the other day all depressed and bummed out. I finally asked him what was going on that day. He tells me he was worried about me... well worried and depressed are 2 different things. (I think that was the conversation we were having in the ABOVE part of the page.) I asked him why did he tell me he was depress and not worried? He didn't know. so now I think he made that part up. It sounds better.

Sometimes I think he is not worth the make-up. We get ready to go somewhere, even if it is just for supper. I will get dressed up,, try to look good,, for hubby.. why I don't know. put on some perfume. Which he never tells me I smell good in the 23 years of marriage. But why can't he tell me I look good or smell good. Does he have that much stuff on his mind that he can't tell me this stuff? I have tried to tell him over the years that "foreplay" starts in the morning and goes all day. Not 5 min after you get in bed.

Here another things that bugs me. or you could say "If he would do it right another way for him to show me that he loves me" why can't he fold my clothes with care? Now I know he has not folded that many clothes over the years like I have. But it does not take a genius to know how to fold clothes. Ok.. maybe it does when you see how my hubby does it. I have to re-fold my clothes every time. But when we were married I was told BY HIM the right way he wanted his pants to be folded.. then why can't I expected the same courtesy from him.

I told him the other night about I had my BIG break down. (he told me later that I said some really hurtful thing that day... Like I was drunk or something.. which I was not .. I know what I was saying and how hurtful they were... But I also was telling the truth and how I felt for the first time in years.) I told him that I did not like my wedding ring. That I thought it was too small. You can go back to re-read some of my old post about this. But I will sum this part up so you don't have to. I wanted a wrap-around ring. When My husband found this ring. I was with him. when It wrap, it made a heart. Sound real cute but it was real small. I wanted a big ring. I have over the years added another ring to it but it still not what I like. NOW he tells me to take my rings down since gold is up.. and have a ring made. That hurts. He asked me what I was going to do with my wedding set.... I told him I was keeping it,, I would never do anything to it.. It is still my wedding ring.. even If I do hate it. But why can't he just come home one day with a new one for me. That would of been the greatest day if he did that for me.... But now,, I know he would do it because he would think it would make me happy.. but he would not do it because he loved me and he just wanted to do it becasue he knows it would make me happy.

Another thing.. I told him how he touches me more on the days he starts getting horny. He does not believe me on this. I then told him in great detail how he does this. NOW he understand. So now when he goes to touch me I can tell that he now know there is a different. Will see who this plays out.

Here another one for you. Over the years. I would of loved to get little surprises from Hubby.. but never did. You know when you are in a store or just out and about. You might point out something to your husband,, OH isn't that nice,, Or That is so pretty.. HINT<<HINT..... and in the back of your head you think,, Oh that would be neat if in a couple of days he would walk in the door with this item. NEVER HAPPEN.. I am not much of a big fan for birthday.. or mother day. I don't like to be the center of attention. But that is not to say I don't mind being the COA ever once in a while.

I go see the DR. D tomorrow. AT first I thought about cancel the apt,, just because I didn't have any thing to talk about. But as you can tell I have lots.

Posted by carla1019 on 2009-08-09 15:58:51 | Rating: