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I realize two things or three.
One:
I don't LIKE my husband but I do love him, or at least care about him.
Last night or yesterday.. I had been working or playing with my clay all day. so the outdoor kitchen/studio that I do all my work in was a mess. I wanted to it all cleaned up before we ate supper or at least before we sat down for the night to watch TV.
Hubby was grilling out, I started cleaning up. When he came outside to TELL me that he needed me in the kitchen to start making my glass of Ice Tea. That he was tried of me being the last one to set down at night at the supper table because I was making my tea. With a look of dis-belief's on my face. I finish up as fast as I could. When I got in the house, I saw him with a glass of Ice about to pour the newly made Tea that I had made earlier.
I stopped him as It still needed some extra water added to the tea or it would of been strong. He got mad... and sat down to his supper. I then got out a new glass, put ice in it... added the water to the tea and then asked him if he wanted a glass.........NO.. that glass was for you" That was nice of him to fix me a glass.. but he really didn't.. why did he have to get so bend out of shape over that. WE WERE going to have sex that night. But that made me mad. I told him that.
Now why could he have waited for me to set down? I asked him this.. "my food would get cold." Well gee, so was mine" And So what do you want a hot meal or a hot wife?
Two:
I like to listen to books on my ipod. Today I am listen to one of my story. it has a sex scene. When I realize that in the scene,, The girl LOVE to touch her man,, like to make him happy,, She was getting just as hot as he was just by turning him on. This got me to thinking,, I use to do that.. NOT anymore. I really don't care if he is turned on or not. Sometimes it can't go fast enough for me. I miss that I don't really care anymore. Now don't get me wrong... I WANT to make love like that....... if it was to someone I really loved. I feel like I am a hot mommy just wanted to get out. I feel so caged at times.
That I really can't do or make love the way I really want to or feel the need to do. He does not match my degrees of hotness.. Does that make any sense? LOL.. it really make me sad, and it hurts. I see on tv and read in books the kind of love making I want to do. But can't.. or I guess I can but the love is not there. so I can't. Why can't it be there?
Three:
I know I was not that picky when I made my list for what I wanted in a husband. I guess now I am paying for it. Now that I am older,, I am making him bow down to me more. I am not going to put up with his stuff anymore. I am tried of him walking over me. I am tried of thinking that I have to put up with this. Now don't get me wrong.. He does not beat me or verbal abuse me.
How can any one not SEE me. He does not notice me at all. If you were HOT for someone, won't it be hard to keep your hands off of each other. or at least hard to not touch or kiss a lot.. we do non of that.
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Posted by carla1019 on 2009-07-13 14:15:26 | Rating: | Views: 67
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