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A window into my head page 3

After I have been married for a few years. I now have 2 great kids. All is going OK in our married. But I am not happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. I am not sure what happen or when it happen. Things have change with me. Almost Divorce a couple of time in our 23 years of marriage. I hurt him real bad once. He knew why I did it. He understood why I did it. so he was able to forgive me. He has never said any thing more about it. however I wish I haven't told him. But wanted him to hear it from me just in case the story got out. It never did.

That happen before I had my second child.

After I had my Daughter, I became more sure of myself. I am older now, but still only 28. My MIL has not change. We don't get alone at all.

The year 2000, My FIL died. he has not been married to my MIL in 20 years. He had moved to another state leaving my MIL with my BIL who is mental retarded. Knowing she was going to have a hard time taken care of my BIL we moved both of them to our state. As much as I was not looking forward to that. It was my idea in the first place. But did I get good points for that.. Hell no.. Did my DH,, You bet.

MIL can't take care of BIL. He is out of control. I can get him to do stuff she can't. I am the one who takes him to the store once a week. I am the one who picks him up after work so he doesn't have to walk home. I am the one who has now become his best friend. She just throws up her arms.

One Day.. The Day.. The day I could of killed her with my hands and would of loved every min. of it.
She has only been here for 6 months now. She has a job, doesn't like it. She has not made any friends. Think we are to invite her over every weekend. Think we should take her every where we go. Thinks the kids just love being around her. She thinks the kids are about 3 and 6, that they never grow up. So she treats them that way. Giving them little kids stuff. Coloring books so they can color her a picture. The kids are 7 and 10. They are into video games. She wants to play board games.

Back to the DAY: She drops by one day to pick up the kids, they are going to hang out at her apt, then go to the movies. I ask her to pick up BIL, to save me a trip into town. Since she lives in town, and would drive by there. She starts telling how this will take time away from the kids. I stated telling her that it won't take that much time. We start yelling at each other. This is her son who she would let walk 2 miles in the hot sun and have to cross 3 busies streets. She leave,, and she is going to pick him up, but doesn't want to.

The more I got to thinking about this, The more madder I got. and it just wasn't this day,, it was all the days, years leading up to this one day. I got in my car, I was shaking so bad I could hardly drive. I didn't know what I was going to do once I got to her house. Take my kids for one.. Hit her had cross my mind. I called my Mom and told her what had happen and how mad I was,, and that I was headed to her house. She tried to stop me, But I hang up the phone. I then called the police. I wanted them to be at the house when I got there to make sure I didn't do any thing. They made me pull over and met me at a store. They then follow me to her place. But I would not calm down enough for them to let me at her door. They finally took me to the police station.

Meanwhile: My mom got a hold of my husband. He took off work to come get me from the station. He called his mother but did not tell her what had happen. Just said we were in town and could get the kids so she would not have to bring them all the way back to our house.

He never did tell her what happen that day, Or how she has made my life miserable.

I have been to a Phychology. Never did come up with an answer.

My husband has tried to tell his mother some stuff but she just doesn't get it. She moved away about 3 months later. She didn't live here a year. Did she take BIL with her. Hell NO.. I get to take care of him. Did she ask if we could take care of him? Hell no. Did we help her move back? Hell No!

It has been 9 years since she has moved away. She has not been back here to see any of us. My husband had to go to a meeting in her state a year ago. So he spent a couple of days with her, And we just flew BIl out to see her for a week. In 9 years this is the only time she has seen her boys.

The only time she wanted to come see us is when for my son graduations. I keep telling my husband that I could not be in the same room as her. I would not go out to eat to celebrate if she was there. Husband finally told her not to come.

We moved about a year ago to a different state. BIL lives in the old state. My Mom watches over him. My MIL seems to think this is fine. I don't understand how you can walk away from your child, I don't care how old he is. He is mental retarded. He can live by himself, pays his bills. Just can't drive, and a few other small things. He is like a 90 year old horny man.

I look back and wonder: When did I stop loving my husband? Or did I just lose respect for him. I have never forgiven him for not taken up for me with his mother. he has tried over the years. She is like talking to a brick wall. She does not hear what he is trying to tell her. It is all my fault and she is the good person. She just can't understand what she did wrong or want to hear that she may be the bad person. He still talks to her. Not that much. he doesn't like her about as much as I don't. Which is sad. both of her boys love me more then they have every loved there mother.

Posted by carla1019 on 2009-05-08 14:44:03 | Rating: