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The dreaded e-mail!

The E-MAIL

I have to be honest that I was more nervous to send out "the e-mail" than I am to actually get "the surgery". I know I'm such a strong person and the last thing I wanted was for people to feel sorry for me. That's an icky feeling inside when you're strong. I thought about keeping it a secret but then I realized people might start to wonder why I was shopping for wombs and not carrying my own child. Can you imagine the shock when I would say a year from now, "Oh, I had cancer, no biggie, I'm fine. I don't have a uterus. So I need to borrow one. Intersted?"

So, I sent out my 3 page diatribe and as expected, the response varried. I knew that everyone copes with difficult news differently and so I turned my phone off for 12 hours to give everyone a chance for it to sink in..... Here are some experts of the reactions I got. I will keep them annomys, but you know who you are

"Erika, cancer picked the wrong gal to fu*k with. (This is my favorite!)

"I had to read your e-mail outloud to a nurse I know. I just didn't understand"

"1) I'm mad that you kept it a secret, 2) I love you 3) what an "erika" way to annouce you have cancer"

"I can't believe it. (crying) my womb is available for the next year. Just let me know if you need it"

"So they're going to take you're eggs out and collect them and put them back into you?"

"Erika, I'm thinking about you. Oh and I have some news I need to tell you about school"

"sniff, sniff, (uncontrolable crying), Call me"

"woah!"

"ERIKA, WHAT IS GOING ON (yelling) Partial hystorectomy? I don't understand. CALL ME!"

The reason I love my friends and family is because you are all so different. Although I was so nervous to tell you. I feel like I can breathe today. Honestly. There's a weight that has been lifted and I can breathe. And after I sent that e-mail. I felt a warmth about an hour later as if so many people were thinking and worrying about me.

CELL PHONE CHARGE

Did you know that I can only talk on my cell phone/ blackberry for about 5 hours STRAIGHT before the battery charge is dead. Yep, that's how much talking on the phone I did today and the phone finally died while I was talking to Andrew (poor guy).

Talking to so many of you has been fantastic theropy.

I met with my ob/gyn today for what would have been my post op visit for the polyp. She didn't need to give me an exam because they're removing it on Monday so we just sat and talked. How often do you get to do THAT with a doctor? The saddest part is that I'm not going to get ot work with her. She's fantastic and is coming to visit me on Monday night at Loyola. WOW! If I find a womb that needs an ob/gyn, Dr. Kristen Stone-Mulhern is FANTASTIC. I can't tell you.

Well, off I go to begin celebrating the 4th of July. Man do I have a lot to be thankful for. Every day I'm reminded. Nice people really do brighten up the day.

Thanks for all of the love and support. One day, I will in return, be there for you!

CANCER WILL NOT WIN!

Erika

Posted by cancersucks on 2009-07-01 17:23:29 | Rating:

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Cancer O
cancercucks 1

I declare you the winner!

What kinds of words would you like to hear, this is a lesson to all of us, please share.
Is your hospital in Maywood, Illinois? or do you not want to give out that info
Im praying for you! Good luck Monday
cancer will not win! It has no friends! You have many!

Posted by roe on 2009-07-02 00:47:42

dah
I just looked up and saw you wrote where you lived, so it must be the one near me. I live southwest of chicago...

Posted by roe on 2009-07-02 00:48:56

I could even send you a card
I bet if I wrote one to
cancer sucks
many people would want to open it!

Posted by roe on 2009-07-02 00:49:58

Hello, Erika. Hey - if I say that with a real low, suave voice, it sounds kinda cool! Sweet!

Welcome to Thoughts. I myself suffer from many medical ailments - God has blessed me in many ways, but in exchange gives me this weight to carry. Believe it or not, it's hardest to here of others like yourself - for me, my problems started at early childhood, and I am used to the treatment processes and the idea of not being well, and struggling to get better. You, however, have no reason to get used to this.

It would be most unfair to define a person by the condition of their body - surely you agree. Our bodies do things we do not understand, and often may be out of our control. Do not judge yourself more harshly than you do for others - this is not you they're taking away, but a piece of tissue that threatens the survival of the "you". "You" will survive this, and YOU will have a tale like few have. Of survival. Live to tell your stories; all of them, not just the cancer. Do not let cancer define you. This will not defeat you, if you stay strong and fight. And you definitely sound like you will! I'll just keep nudging you, OK? Be well, dear. We're praying for His intercession.

John

Posted by nsemn8r on 2009-07-02 01:48:32

Erika, with an attitude like yours you are already a winner, and I know you can win this battle too! I am thinking of you :)

Posted by Kaybee on 2009-07-02 01:59:04

I am very bad at reaching out to others for help and had to learn the importance of it the hard way. It is great that you know so much about life already. I am 34 and still growing up! Like Roe says, you are a winner! Bye for now. See you around. Peace.

Posted by thehseenz on 2009-07-02 04:57:44

Erika you have the right spirit in you, you ARE a winner right from the start,I can see that yes you will beat this thing, you will be on top and stay on top at that.
God sees what you are going thro and He is right there beside you all the way.
check your em as I have one there for you
God loves you Erika

Raymond

Posted by raymondchristianp... on 2009-07-02 05:24:33

Wishing you strength and laughter (the laughter can wait until the sore bit is over with, though). Oh, and a long and happy life, of course, but I think you've got that covered :)

Posted by BootLady on 2009-07-02 07:21:40

Nice people do brighten up our days and you have brightened mine considerably.

Posted by Pauligan on 2009-07-02 07:59:42

Erika..your friends sound cool. Sounds like you will have an excellent support group. So after the surgery..what happens next? Will the surgery take all of the cancer out? or will you need chemo or radiation? Cancer does suck..dammit. Peace and happiness to you this fourth of JULY weekend. (((hugs)))

peace :) shemelts

Posted by shemelts on 2009-07-02 08:03:31

What wonderful support system and friends you have! :). Have a wonderful 4th of July!!! :).

Posted by brlracincwgrl on 2009-07-02 08:29:15

You are a fighter!

Posted by greunie on 2009-07-02 08:38:54

You go girl. You'll kick this thing's butt if anyone will. Excellent responses to the email.

Posted by Tony51203 on 2009-07-02 08:41:34

Wow what a positive attitude. I will pray for you and I do know its hard what you are going through, but remember that talking about it can and does help so that others can support you:) Let us know anything futher and we will try to help ease your mind.

Posted by michelle8angels on 2009-07-02 08:52:52

I am with you, cancer will not win. Fight back, we are here, fighting with you

Posted by virtualife on 2009-07-02 09:28:52

Happy 4th of July, and may your recovery be quick so you can go back to eating that pizza and real food :)

Posted by Forgetmeknot on 2009-07-02 09:49:37

cancer is a mean adversary.. our group has fought it so many times that it's almost like we can see it and feel it.. right after our group was formed our host had terrible back pains- it was a tumor pushing against his spine- and filling his abdominal cavity- Level 4++. we met around a mattress on the floor because he couldn't even sit. but we watched that tumor melt away and he's just had his 6th cancer free year..you caught it early and are going after it agressively. you're young God be with you..and healthy- you've got everything going for you- including a LOT of prayers..

Posted by pastormike on 2009-07-02 15:01:20

Hello there. I a want you to know that you have come to the right place. It was no accident. I have suffered greatly in a different way... but this beautiful community has reached out a hand to me and loved me through. I am here if you need to talk. I would love to get to know you better. I am praying for you to have a continued positive prognosis! Many many blessing to you and your family. You are loved!! ~Scarlet~

Posted by Evanescence on 2009-07-02 15:16:46

Cancer will not win! You are young, strong and motivated. Find the best Doctors in your area. I know, smart girl, you already have. Then let them take care of you, and you take care of you. We over here,the faceless vast horde, will be praying, thinking positive thoughts -day and night-,and generally making karmic pests of ourselves.Get cured soon.

Posted by circe on 2009-07-02 17:43:52

Hi there Erika....
I must say that right off the bat I love your spirit and your attitude...your hope is enviable, and I'm the first to think that a positive attitude will save you many a heartache in the future!
UGoGirl!! I'll be checking in with you! I love a good woman who has a lot of good fight in her!
:)

Posted by smilinirisheyes on 2009-07-02 19:00:51

It sounds like you have an awesome support system. That in itself is priceless. Best wishes to you:)

Posted by pitapie50 on 2009-07-02 20:14:40

You're darn right. Cancer will not win!

Posted by EasyBev on 2009-07-03 10:55:53

Still praying, not only for you,but Andrew too as he deals with this in his own way. Keep clinging to each other and more importantly to God. Looking forward to a great report from after the operation. Enjoy the 4th. this year and all of the rest for the next 100 yrs or more.

Posted by Louisj on 2009-07-03 11:06:52

Wow! Came across your posts and have to say that you are one awesome woman.
Love your sense of humour and your style. You are a formidable opponent for cancer. Looking forward to reading more from you.
You are an inspiration!

Peace to you
*

Posted by merrynbright on 2009-07-03 14:02:13

Cancer will never win the war!! Happy 4th of July! :)

Posted by scotslad60 on 2009-07-04 05:01:49

Wow! I return from a short trip with my family and find that this community has EXPLODED with LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT, PRAISE, and HUMOR! I am moved beyond words. Thank you for joining me on this journey. May you only be a passanger and never a driver! :)

Stay tuned...

Posted by cancersucks on 2009-07-05 13:58:42

Circe is a huge inspiration to me - she will be a shining star for you. God bless.

Posted by overthehillandfar... on 2009-07-05 15:10:40

Mine and my family's thoughts are with you and yours...

Stay strong, come back soon...

Love to you and yours....

Peace...

E

Posted by Evetspordlaw on 2009-07-05 15:29:54

I am praying for you.God has chosen a very strong person to make this journey and be a positive force for others to see.Keep your light shining.We here on thoughts are with you in prayer.Nana

Posted by nanahart on 2009-07-05 16:04:42

Erika, When you are asleep tomorrow, thoughts will be with you. You won't hear us for those couple of hours but you will when you return. Our prayers will not stop because you have to leave for a couple of days. As you can see you have gained another network that we spoke about. As I look at all of the names I know each and every person is sincere. When they say they will pray and they will be here for you they mean it.

I too wonder how your strength is so great and your attitude is superb.
Laughter is also within you. And thinking of yourself first is obviously there given the fact you went away with your family. From my experience as a 14 year survivor, don't forget to rest when your body tells you too.
Your gumption shows that you will be another winner. You will have story's to tell later on in life. You will be able to look back at this and say "HA! you miserable beastly disease you, I beat you way back when there was no cure. So how do you like that?"

Oh and don't forget to question everything. Having a Doctor like you do is such a plus on your behalf.

10:30 am will be here soon and it will be all over before you know it. And just in case they don't let you on your laptop as you mentioned, maybe someone who you know well could look in here on thoughts tomorrow or Tuesday to let us know how you are and where you will go from there.

My thoughts have been with you for days now. I feel a bond that we both share. I am sure others who have beat this monster feel that same bond.
So till we here from you or someone. Good luck, keep that chim up, hate that bastard of a diease when you go through those doors. Prayers are here and I'm balling like a baby. Good luck sweetie.
Love and (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) and trust me those are great big hugs you can feel from Rhode Island to illinois.

Posted by kal on 2009-07-05 18:58:28

I will be praying, and thinking positively, you will positively, have the best outcome positively, for your condition. Did I say I am positive you will come through this well? Think Positive! You have a lot of people thinking of you.
I went through chemotherapy this last six months, I am one month out of the hospital. I had the wonderful thoughts commununty, Roe, especially cheering me all the way. I am in remission now,and working toward a cure.

Posted by circe on 2009-07-05 20:46:14