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rejected

Once again I've been rejected by another one that I care a lot about. I know it was a little bad to say hey i can't talk to you anymore, but I can't help it. I don't wanna be your friend. If i can't be wtih you then I don't want anything t do with you. I deleted the number from my phone, the yahoo id, bp friends, etc. If its there it just too tempting for me to call or send a message to say "hey." That's not good for me now. The more we talk the more and more I started to fall I wanted to say it in person but i couldn't help it. I don't wanna be the "%#&@$! buddy." If i can't have you I dont want to remember your name it's only gonna hurt to see you with someone else. It already to hurts to know that yeah i like you and got feelings for you, but I dont have time for relationship. Translation I like you I really like %#&@$!ing you, but I won't make time for you because i'm not into you like you're into me. Of course it's not gonna be said its gonna be buttered up so it won't cause more pain. yeah i do think about what they are feeling and what is going through their head right now. I first flat out said I been hurt too much and i dont waana do a realtionship. i was told that I work and go to school I dont have time either. We can start off as friends and we both agreed that things to happen to make people change their mind and if it's the right person you'll know and everything will come together. My hurt was wrong this time, but i'm happy I saidi something. I didnt want to go on not knowing what could have been because i was afraid to get hurt. Pain is a part of life. It's just something we're all gonna have to deal with. soemtime in our life. One thing I learned throughout the years is no matter what never give up on love. Maybe right now I'm searching in the wrong places or I'm searching too much. Maybe I should chill out and let it find me. I am very busy person too. I work 2 jobs plus i'm going back to school, but there is always time for friends, familiy, and love. I got a life out side of work and school. I'm not going grow old in love with my work so much that i end up alone with no one to care for me. I'm 27 years old and life is going to pass me by. It's been moving pretty quickly and I haven't been enjoying the sites enough. Yeah I miss him, but that's a parat of life eventually I'll move on and get over it. I just had to make it a point to change somethings about my life. I felt like I was in the little rut and i'm not moving anywhere. I had to make things happen. Maybe i'm just upset and there is more to the story then what is being said. I just dont beleive that a person would spend that much time doing work and school that they dont make time to have fun. To me it's a front to hide something that they dont like about their life. My gut feeling is telling me that's probably what it is. It's wrong for me to pressure them. Nobody should rush into something they not ready for. I just dont buy that "I don't have time excuse." Deep down inside I think the person is afraid to fall in love. I remember being told the reason why they dont want kids is because they look at situations other family members go through. Yeah I look at situations other family members and friends go through too and learn what to do and what not to do in certain situations. I'm not going to let it over power my life. I want a family and I want kids and when I do get to that point I know it will be right because i've been so patient. I think maybe I was just rushing it a bit. When you meet nice people especially ones who are very goal orientated, smart, knows what they want and how to make it happen, good job, good ethics, etc. sexy as hell you just can't resist. You definately want to snatch them up because you just know that no one else can make them happy like you can you want to snatch them up real quick before someone else does and potentially breaks their hearts. that something I will never do. The only thing I ask is that you be honest and up front with me. for some strange reason that has been really hard for people to do. I'ts like yeah your really nice sweet caring and smart you have a sensitive nature and dont wanna hurt your feelings so i'll tell you a lie and give you that false hope instead of just being honest and truthful. either way it hurts the lies hurts more than the truth, The truth gives me mroe respect for the person and helps me to understand the situation a lot better. This one I still don't fully understand because that person doesn't realize they already gave me a lot of their time. They were there for me whenever I needed to talk to them, may have not always been able to come see me, but spent hours talking online even texting. I know sometimes i was in a really bad mood and angry and took it out on them, but never got affended by it still was understanding. That's time right there to me. I dont want them to have nobody else but me. I want to be that person for them. Of course they can't spend every waking minute of the day with me. We alll have friends and lives outside of relationships. We should never let our friends suffer because of other activities. Always keep friends and family close. Even when relationships dont work out you'll know they'll be there to catch you when you fall guranteed A good friend will and so will family. A very good person. I really didn't want to let it go, I like talking to them. I'm happy when I talk to them. It will interfere because the more I talk the more and more I'll want to be wtih them and I would be happy for them, but devastated to know that they found someonee else. Everyone deserves true love and I dont want no one to ever experience the pain and heartbreak that I been through. I'll fight something that I know i believe in and i'ts right. I cant stand to see people go through pain. Right now I wont initate any more conversations with you because i'm in pain. I have to mourn the loss and get over it then maybe i'll talk to you. I do wish them the best of liuck and reminded them never give up on love don' run from your feelings because at the end of the day they are still going to be there no matter how busy you try to make yourself so you dont have to think about it. I know it must be hard for them too. He also said he seen me as a good person. I can't be that good preson. I cant be that nice friendly face easy to talk to always listens and understands. i gotta do what's best for me too. So i'm gonna go back into isloation mode and keep contact with friends and family. i will always remain true to myself. right now I need to enjoy the c ompany of myself more. Do things with myself get to know the true me. go sky diving take a vaction. I need a break I deserve a break. I need to heal.