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Hey there, I've decided to keep an online diary. I did have an actual journal but my hubby keeps reading it. I don't want people to know who I am, but I just find it so much easier to put my thoughts down somewhere, makes me feel better. Is that silly? I'm just gonna give you a little insight to whats going on in my life at the moment, a bit of background info. Basically, I'm newly married, only 6 months. I moved to a foreign country with his job and it's such a mess. He cheated on me a few times before we got married, but I forgave him because he promised me he would change when we got married. However, he slept with a girl and caught an STD, which thankfully I didn't get! I don't know how, I think he's lying about who he caught it from and how many times he has cheated. He never tells me the truth about anything, i had to find out he had cheated by a routine GU clinic test. I'm finding it really hard to love him right now. He decided he wanted to get a brand new car on finance because he gets his license back soon. He lost it due to drink driving. I asked him not to get a brand new car because we are still trying to furnish our new flat and finding our feet in a different country. I asked him to choose between me and the car and guess what won. Yup, the car. He seems to think he can have us to both, and to be honest he's right. I don't have the balls to leave him. We had a massive arguement not so long ago, and I hit him a few times. I shouldn't have done it I know, but I was so angry at him because he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and I'm having to see a counsellor. He seems to think this has solved all of our problems. Anyway, he had me on the floor with his hands around my throat, I actually thought he was going to kill me. He bit my face and nose and I had two massive bruises the morning after. Explaining to work was a laugh!!!
I know everyone is thinking, why is she still with him, but I love him I really do. And it's gonna be so hard for me to start all over again back in the UK. Our relationship isn't really always bad. We are still adjusting to being married and living in a different country. I keep thinking that he will change soon, but to be honest, I think I'm probably kidding myself. I've been trying so hard for him, I'm trying to lose weight and change my hair and being this kinky person he keeps telling me he wants, but the last few times I've tried to inititate sex, he just tells me he's tired. Our sex life has always been out of this world, but now it's dwindled to 3 minute, unsatisfying fumbles. It's a nightmare. I'm tempted to cheat too, in revenge and as a way of finally relieving myself.
I'm sorry to moan on and on! There's always someone out there with bigger problems than me, I'm just finding it really hard right now! -x-
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Posted by bumblebee on 2007-07-07 05:16:02 | Rating: | Views: 132
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wow. i mean, i'm no expert or anything - far from it, and i appologize for opining on this - but it sounds to me like a very sad, abusive, explosive situation. i'm not aware that these sorts of things improve. sorry again, but that's what your post says to me. good luck with it.
cheers.`
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2007-07-07 06:29:00
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I'm sorry to hear that! Hope things will get better for you soon! Good luck =)
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Posted by ruriko
on 2007-07-07 08:37:25
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Wow.. I'm sorry to hear that things are like this for you. Sweetie all I can say is that love is not a one way street, and your husband seems to think it is. I know exactly how you feel, because I've been there once myself. I can't tell you what to do, all I can do is give you advice and try to be a friend to you. Going out and cheating on him is not going to make the problem go away, that could possibly make things worse. Sweetie feel free to write to me, and talk if need be I'll listen and give you my advice if you'd like. I hope to hear something from you soon, and keep in touch.
Shane
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Posted by caughtureyes21
on 2007-07-09 13:29:32
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