I've always had a problem with self-centered people.
I know I know, who the hell doesnt?
After all, I guess the reality is that we've rather have everyone around us caring more about us than themselves.

But here's what I'm thinking.
My true 'beef' isn't with the self-centered.
it's with those who've lost their perspective. 
I have a problem with the people who've given up the fight. 
The people who've accepted the fact that the world is in a bad state. 
The people who've convinced themselves that there's nothing they can do to change it,
so they go through each day
Assuming that their everyday actions, provided that they arent horrible,
give them a right to call themselves 'good people.'
It's funny. We've got TONS of 'good people' living in a really bad... no, in a really fucked up world. 
Explain that to me. 
I have a problem with the people who call the state of the world inevitable. 
The people who coddle themselves with their gadgets and their money and their friends and their family,
who suck satisfaction out of the gifts they've been given, but provide no relief to those who havent been blessed with the same gifts.
Hell, human nature shouldnt be capitalistic. 
If we're all 'good people,' 
shouldnt at least the deeds we do, the compassion we (supposedly show) be communistic?

The thing that I hate the most,
is that I'm one of those people. 
Most of the time, I'm able to tell myself that it's alright
Because I'm a teenager--- I'm powerless. 
That's probably a pretty realistic assumption.
But in making that assumption, which most of the human race does, 
arent we DYING inside?
Who, if you think about it, could sit there and just apathetically observe the state of affairs?
I, along with the vast majority of my religion, coddle myself into thinking that my PRAYERS are enough. 
Fuck that, really. Prayers are great. 
But we should be praying that we grow the BALLS to make a difference.
Don't pray for the hungry. 
Pray for the energy to feed the hungry. 
We're pathetic, really.
If you're reading this, you know you aren't doing enough. 
Why? You're on the internet reading journals. 
Just like I'm on the internet writing them.
We both suck. 

Personally, I know where i falter. 
Recently, my main areas of focus have been faith and homosexuality. 
I've been whining. Because I'm a gay Christian. 
a God fearing, gay christian. 
Yet as I sit, so focused on where my sould gonna go when I die, 
I'm not DOING anything. 
I feed off of my own personal issues,
because my trivial problems give me an excuse to ignore the problems
that are so NOT trivial. 
I have faith, that is enough. 
That's what i know. 
Being gay does not define me. 
Having faith does.
Putting faith into ACTION is what I'm striving for.
I'm tired, so fucking tired,
of watching the world spin from a distance.

I'm self centered,
and so are you.
My gut tells me that my self-centeredness will only be augmented as the remainder of my youthful idealism starts to fade.
That scares me shitless.

So skip work tomorrow.
Go to the food bank for a day.
Something, anything.

I have no right to suggest that.
I'll be sitting in a classroom all day tomorrow,
and then I'm going shopping, of all things.

Fuck it, we're all hypocrites.
keep loving other people,
if you can do nothing else.
But recognize the fact that
that probably isnt good enough.
For real change, I mean.

I'm just saying,
maybe theres more to life than loving those with whom you have direct contact.
There's gotta be more.
We have to do more.