So I have spent the past week or so researching and pouring money that I really don't have into trying to start an online business. I was hoping that this blog would be a log of how to successfully start and run an online business but it's looking more like it will be a lesson in "Mistakes that People Make When Starting an Online Business." I do hope that I survive these growing pains but tonight I just don't know. I find myself overwhelmed with information and scattered...and quite honestly, not doing too well. After all of my work...picking a program that looked like a slam dunk...and then working on other avenues of affiliate programs...searching on ways to get my url in front of someone who would click on it and actually buy my product...and I am finding myself at a loss and feel as if my dreams are just slipping away.

My reason for heading in this direction are many but at the root is my desire to work for myself and have the ability to spend more time with my children. I am a father of three children by three different women. Yes, I was married to all of them and presently find myself with a two month old son that I haven't been given the opportunity to see or hold...so I dole out money to a lawyer, who is a really nice guy and a very good lawyer...but I want the freedom to spend signifigant amounts of time with this little boy to try to get to know him and let him get to know me...and....well, I just cry thinking that my visitation will be relegated to possibly just every other weekend or even less. So this is why I tell myself any time I can muster up the courage that this is something that I MUST do and not just want to do. I have dreams of having the freedom to spend days with him and my other son, who misses me very much and last time I saw him cried because he didn't want to go home....tears and clawing at the window to his mother's car...break your freakin heart!!! But my financial situation goes from bad to worse...last Saturday I went to the pawn shop and pawned my wedding ring (finally) and two guns that meant alot to me...one was a rifle that I had bought for my daughter...not that she cared or would even know but it was a memento of a time when things weren't so bad for me...then a shotgun that a good friend gave me. I never even shot that gun but still it was a gift from a friend who knew that I enjoyed hunting and it reminded me of him. But then again, everything that I have is a memento since just about everything was taken in the last divorce.

Yet I digress...I'm not bitter but I just want this to work and there are times like this when I sit in my house all alone and thing to myself "if others are doing this why can't I?" So I will plod on and in preserverence I will find victory. I know that there will be more nights like this but I hope that it is just a matter of not quitting...

Peace!

Bret