I am finding myself in a quagmire of indecision and inactivity.  I am not comfortable with going out on my own and attempting to socialize.  Nor, am I finding anything of lasting value online.  I waste more time trying to find something or make something happen:  writing letters to people who--unless I simply say too much or the wrong thing--have no interest in writing me back...chatting with people who have lives and interests I cannot relate to(or well, anyway).  I try to make a connection, find someone that doesn't make me feel short of breath with their lifestyle or responsibilities...someone that isn't married, twice divorced, with children and/or ex stories up the wazoo...  And, some get the wrong impression about me when all I am doing is being a bit selective for both our sakes.   I am not better--usually--than another, just different. 

In regards to this particular site--as I can't fully judge ALL blog sites(but I doubt one is much different from another)--I am more likely to find a stay-at-home mom or a teenage(most from 1988)/older girl/woman or an older guy(50s-60s)(or even a "homeless" guy, apparently) than someone close in age and on a similar wavelength.  I look over the majority of blogs and find either advertising for some product or service, a dictionary/encyclopedia/bible reference, a first time post with little or nothing to say or a frazzled/gleeful entry about a recent encounter with the male species--often involving sex.  Now, I realize, this is life(for these people), but I am struggling to breathe as I try to find something to say/pitch in.  Sure, I could follow the old rule "if you don't have anything nice to say, get lost." 

[In any regard, these types of people not only affect me/my chances personally/online but also affect the audience of my blogs.  For instance, I write movie reviews here.  And, if the people here aren't the type to usually go to the movies for whatever reason...who is actually getting anything out of my efforts?  I always think of Bugs Bunny doing his lil dance on stage and then hearing crickets as the hook comes out to pull him off to the side.] 

[I have to say one other thing about posting--whether it be at a blog site or message board.  It seems unless you have something positive or supportive to say, your opinions are not welcome.  Now, this is a public site with the intention of people sharing thoughts.  There is the option of privacy settings for blocking profiles and limiting viewing of posts to those we put on a special list.  SO, why is it a problem for me to express an opinion if it is a bit heavy on analysis?  And, again, I am often taken the wrong way--and it really pisses me off.  If you intend/want a post for only a certain type of response--and you can't go the extra step of setting it to private/friends only--at least have the sense to specify that you only want loving/supportive comments.  Don't tell someone they can't say something.  However, if you don't like what is said--and/or don't want it to tarnish your posts--there is also the option of deleting a comment.  I had to do this with a stray porn-bot posting and one comment that didn't sit well with me of which I thought might encourage thinking that I didn't support.  It also bugs me to no end when someone can offer advice or words of support but cannot TAKE advice or words of constructive criticism.  And, if my scrutiny is a bit much, pardon me.  But, to be outwardly kind/insistent and then internally defiant seems a bit hypocritical/two-faced.  I'm hardly flawless myself.  But, I had to say it.]

It's much the same with MySpace and the other online hangouts I have tried.  One even resulted in some people trying to bully me off the site--like I never left grade school.

Some try online dating sites, and while I have been hesitant to lay down the cash, I HAVE tried to make connections other ways with the same people(or do you really think the people on a dating site cannot be found in other places online?).  And, it has had little or no positive result.  If I get hit in the head with an apple maybe, maybe I will finally try one that costs more than 7 bucks. 

Well, when I DO get lucky and find someone I feel good about talking to--and attempting to connect/meet with--something seems to pop up to get in the way.  It's like nurturing a seed and getting excited as a bud appears only to have it go >POOF< and wilt on me. 

So, maybe all I have just said is for nothing, but I felt I just had to vent.  Release some of the pent up frustration.  I think I have said some of this before.  Well, that's all I can think to say about this right now.  Think what you will.  I just said what's on my mind.  Hopefully, I won't wast too much time doing mindless google searches or shopping--my alternative to texting and the popular like.  Hopefully, I will find the needed inspiration/motivation to do better myself(if I don't have any luck finding a sidekick).