[I'm late...I'm late...for a very important date! I meant to post this sooner but wasn't sure I was totally finished with it. And, I missed Boxing Day. Had an idea for that too. I wanted people to have time to take these steps. Anyway, here it is. Take it in stride. And, heed the steps for next year's new year.]
Before you know it, the "holidays" have come and gone. Time seems to fly between Thanksgiving, Christmas and (Solar) New Year's days. [Chinese New Year, which comes a few weeks later next "solar" year, is based on the cycle of the moon.] Halloween seems to avoid the rush by a nose. But, once you get to Thanksgiving, the rollercoaster kicks into gear...
(rumblerumblerumble...)EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!....
(rattlerattlerattlerattle!!!)EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!.. ..
And, then it's all over...and you feel a lil shakey maybe because it went so fast. And, you can't adjust to "normal time" again fast enough. For some during the "rush", we vent by saying "I can't wait for it all to be over and done with". But, after it is, don't you feel the least bit sad and feel you missed out on a thing or two? It didn't meet expectations, and now it's gone? How sad is that?!
Well, in the spirit of New Year's, I'd like to take this time to offer reflection on the past year. Much of which I spent here more than anywhere(it seems). This will be a multiple step plan/program.
Step 1: Taking Time to Reflect
Look back over the past year. Whether it be paperwork/spending, projects both finished and incomplete, work/business, relationships with coworkers, friends, family..."lovers", dates, etc. And, see where you did well and where you might do better next year. Remember the good times with a smile. But, take time to scrutinize "mistakes" made.
Forgive yourself, and then move on to step two.
Step 2: Airing of Grievances
Some may know it to be a time for paying off old debts, forgiving old grievances and simply making good on everything bad or wrong to start fresh in the new year.
On that note, I'd like to air my "dirty laundry" and shake off a few nagging "ticks" to breathe a lil easier next year. [For privacy sake, the matters discussed will be solely site related. I'm not about to tell all of my private woes here publicly just for the casual passing curious eye to read for the sake of that human "failing"(as it is said of that one particular cat), curiosity.]
To those with whom I have disputed, frustrated or not gotten along well/clashed with this past year(to put it mildly)...
Similar yet different(or just completely different) ways of thinking caused us to collide and grind gears. And, the more we tried, the less we seemed to improve with each other. We may not be friendly at all times if ever, but I'd rather not have another enemy in life. We may cut and bleed each other out of self-defence, defending our way of thinking. Maybe it is more difficult than anticipated or than humanly possible for everyone to get along. And, perhaps it is how we choose to act/name ourselves that makes it a reality. I hope your chosen path leads to greater things for you and this world. Perhaps, one day, we may just have to go our separate ways and leave it at that.
This goes to:
Wayne, the Thoughts staff(including Ben, Shannon and the "gear heads"), Difficult Soul, whiteknight, KP, Ellie2008, dreampower, DerekDominoe/GhostofDerekDomino, roe and tonyrayhutchison. I am surely forgetting one or more names...I chalk that up to my mind not wanting to harbor such feelings for too long. But, to the presently nameless, I offer the same words.
And, there are the few exceptions with which I can't seem to find the same forgive-and-forget mentality. I'd rather just forget them and let them go on their "merry" way. I think of two characters who simply came into contact with me and only caused a heap of frustration, anger and grief. To templar_knight and Godd(the name alone gets on my nerves for seeming sacreligious in the least), I say good luck. Not better luck than anyone else more deserving of such wishes here(in my opinion). But, good luck in that you find the righteous path that the higher power intends for the benefit of all.
There are a few other characters who caused me grief/frustration/fury as well, but they--like many "punks" came and went like the wind. They are like the bad guys in westerns who "blow into town" to cause trouble. They see an opportunity, a "mark" and seize it with salivating jaws as the butler in the latest Batman movie said "just to watch the world burn". Even if they stayed around long enough to get in a word edgewise, would it make any difference?
Now, there are a few individual messages/thoughts I would also like to express(safely worded to maintain a certain measure of privacy):
Ellie2008: First of all, you dated yourself with that name:P I suppose in a good way, it marks when you started here. You have an amazing mind and a way with words that lights a fire of the finest romantic/passionate writer(though not always applying it well into writing fiction). It is a shame we must clash whenever the tide rises between us. I've stated my issues with you. And, if I haven't made them clear, I will be forced to rehash them again. You must learn to accept what you are given/shared as must I with others less open than myself. Patience is a virtue. Haste makes waste. I'd rather be patient than a waste.
dreampower: Perhaps, the power is in the dream and unable to be carried over into the daylight. I am sorry we have not connected better intuitively. It seems like oil and water sometimes. Despite rumor, back-talk and suspicion, you seem to have a noble code of ethics in some way I can't quite finger. If not true, then you are a fine actor or combination lock. I'd like to believe in the good aspects and not discover more bad ones. I wish I knew how to be certain and get along better with you. But, I can't seem to find the answers.
keepdreaming: We started as counselor and patient. I thought we were becoming friends. But, I didn't hold up my end well, apparently. And, you grew tired...weaker. You had your own burdens to bear and were unable to help me. And, I was unable to help you, apparently. It only hurt me so deeply when I saw you able to help others. Of course, they are women, and perhaps that is the key factor in the difference. I can understand that much. You, above all others here, bring me the greatest woe because of how we fell out of sorts. We never really clashed at all(not that I can remember). So, I cannot blame it on anger or indisputable differences. I am happy for you if your chosen band of friends suits you well...better than it would have been with me in the mix. I let you go to be with them. But, if you come back to me, I hope you stay.
Difficult Soul(or as I prefer to call her "Beautiful Soul" or "Beautiful Mystery"): Heaven forbid I try to change you or tell you how to live your life. What is wrong with me?! Perhaps it is in your name that I find the epic battle I must face myself. Like some Star Wars climax. Red versus blue. We met early on and seemed to clash head first...yet, your "fans" seemed to do the fighting for you. And, you struck me with this unusual chord of indifference and an attempt to "bring me into the fold". Not so much in an acceptible loving way(even though that is what all your writing obsessed about day after day). But, a "why must you be different when you could come join us?" way. It didn't make sense to me then, and I'm still glad I have my defences now. I have said plenty already to and about you. We have had our battles(of which I find no pleasure or "love" at all unless you call it "tough love" in some odd way). And, we admit to seeing the brilliance in each other. Even if the concept seems to hold a different meaning for each of us presently. All I know is you have a stunning "face", and I'd like to believe deep down the rest follows suit. But, all I ever accomplished with you this past year was a head full of grief and frustration. It saddens me deeply that I cannot make more progress with you or simply ignore you completely. Again, good luck on your chosen path and sorry if my "direction" was inappropriate. I was more than once ill-informed.
EasytoSay: I'm sorry I let your abundant free time to blog your heart out, to cockle-doodle do much more than any American could cockle(next to maybe hughman and rgrylls) get to me. Instead of being friendly, I became bitter. Being bitter takes life energy away. I was less productive trying to understand and maybe compete. I hope those matters are done and gone. And, I hope no one else will continue to talk behind your back about what is simply you discussing your feelings and whatnot...what we are all free to do here. Happy New Year. I may not see you in Vegas:P But, I'd like to meet you one day. And, I hope the next man you "hook up with" is worth your time:)
whiteknight: We didn't have much to say. And, perhaps it is better that way. Although, you may not realize what we have in common. Nor, can I believe we do because everyone with this trait strikes me so differently that I find it hard to believe in my own philosophies. But, if I don't stand by my philosophies, then I have nothing upon which to stand. Take away the reasoning of my morals/choices, and I am left floating in limbo...never certain of who I am. One bit of advice, if I may dare. [And, if it does not suit you, just erase it from your thoughts. Forget I said a word.] The chase is over. Give it up. I'm sure she may seem like a wonderful person. But, it doesn't seem to be in the works. There are other wonderful women to chase in the world:P And, I'm sure at least one of them will come very close to if not greatly exceed her. Sometimes, it just seems like beating a dead horse. But, friendship...yea, that IS a nice thought.
Thoughts.com staff: As with any authority figures, I want to know "all", know how things work so I may better understand. Yet, I don't often like the results. Thus, sometimes it is better I DON'T know. But, I don't like being treated like a child or "peasant"(if you will). Not that this applies to matters here. It is just an added thought to similar situations in my life. It irks me. And, I am greatly irked when grievances are not dealt with privately or personally. Not to mention making up for them. Bearing that in mind, I probably could handle this differently. But, I think I have only received maybe one or two personal emails from "jason" way back when I posed a rare question. There are certain matters here I have voiced "feedback" about. Perhaps not in the nicest way with an assumption or two that wasn't justified. But, fair considering what I knew and the "simplicity" of human emotional response. If you disturb, rile, or upset another living, thinking creature, you often either get anger/resentment/blatant denial(indifference), "the silent treatment" or a tearful response. I seem to have received "the silent treatment" with one exception. While, I tried to stifle myself and ended up blurting out a bit in anger and frustration(with suspicion of authority). I'd suggest in such a "communal" enviroment, more(as in quantity) personal emails would be better appreciated than public displays. We are not here to be gladiators and animals in Ancient Rome. But, it IS better to speak up than remain silent sometimes. Lest we defeat the purpose of having a place to speak when we feel we cannot in our "reality". Remember we are all human, good and bad. Only the ones who come in(however they come in) and blanket the site with potentially dangerous or eluding links and "business" without justificated advertising/knowledge elsewhere who may be posing a threat and thus seen as an enemy. But, then again, even germs and bacteria have a place in this world. A purpose. A lesson. I felt greatly offended(and may not be aware of how I offended) by our last "encounter" which has made me very bitter and unwelcome to participate in the forums. If I cannot "play nicely" to the uncertain yet apparently desired extent and cannot speak freely as I wish, then I have no desire to participate in at least that part of your "public park". Isn't that a little sad?
That about sums up those matters. I suggest you all do the same. Get out all your "issues" big or small. Shake 'em out like a dust rag you just used to clean off the crap on your TV screen. And, then...
Take a deep breath................
And let it out.
Go on. Try it. Breathe a little easier.
Feel the difference after getting things off your chest in a very cathartic way. Sometimes our words cannot come out like sweet perfume. But, it's better to get it out than carry or bury it.
Coming up next....
Step 3: Paying Off Old Debts
Step 4: Formulating a New Year's Resolution
and
Step 5: Celebrating the Holiday(and Sharing the Good Feelings/Good Times)
-------------------------------------
Step 3: Pay Off Old Debts
[Not much in that regard I can do online. I'll save you the extra empty post space:P I pay when I "buy". I clear that up right away. And, I can't say I have accrued any debts here. But, if I do think of someone I owe something before the year's end, I will do my best to repay them:)]
In some cases, we cannot simply eliminate all debt. There are services and bills many of us pay monthly/yearly which cannot be remedied so quickly. But, for those that can be repaid sooner...for the smaller "offences"...or those things we borrowed from someone but never gave back...or the time we have taken from others when we needed a lil extra "listening time" perhaps?...or the money we borrowed that we CAN pay back because it was not ours to take and was LENT to us...let's get those resolved now.
Once the debts are paid...
Take another deep breath.......
Let it out.
And, know that you have at least balanced THAT part of your life. No baggage of that sort to carry with you into the new year.
Step 4: Formulating a New Year's Resolution
I have never been good at this myself. I lack the motivation and determination presently to see any "big" task through. When I put my mind to something, it may be a different story. But, casting a decision on a whim...birthday wishes...new year resolutions...lenten sacrifices...not so easy.
But, one day I read an article that discussed New Year's Mantras. A mantra, in case you are unfamiliar, is a message you repeat several times in an effort to "breathe" that "feeling" consistently. Just as "The Little Engine That Could" kept saying to himself "I think I can; I think I can". Well, I am not sure how I "invented" it, but I came up with one myself that was surprisingly listed in the article.
"Hope for the best, but expect the worst. That way, you cannot be disappointed."
Some may see that as lowering standards or a weak excuse(a wet noodle). I see it as a means to end the fall from the highs and lessen the depths of the lows.
If you can't think up a New Year's resolution(which I suspect doesn't need to be some grand gesture or epic, year-long effort), then try a mantra on for size. What message do you need to tell yourself to live a better life?
[Leave this as an optional step if your brain simply can't conceive one. No need to feel disappointed or discouraged in yourself.]
Step 5: Celebrating the Holiday(and Sharing the Good Feelings/Good Times)
With all the difficult, emotional matters settled...and once more able to breathe easier...we are free now to enjoy the big and/or little indulgences we envision enjoying. [And, for those who didn't quite get their fill of grievances and debt repayment AND are open to celebrating Chinese New Year, you get a second chance at that time:P] It often just feels better to get all the "work" done before we sit down and relax/have a good time. You feel accomplished and less "weighted-down".
Of course, the best time to celebrate these things are closest to midnight when the dawning occurs. You see it in movies and on TV. Gathering around at some restaurant, bar or a house party with family and friends. Sharing drinks, clinking glasses and shouting/singing in good cheer.
Well, let's also be realistic. Some of us don't have the greatest band of friends or the big family scenarios. We work with what we have. No need to try so hard just to have a group. If it isn't happening this year, it isn't happening. Let that go. But, with what you have, you make the best of it. [Sad as that may be in some cases:( ]
Do you have a favorite drink(non-alcoholic, preferably)? A favorite food? A toy or gizmo you treasure or always wanted? [And, if the latter, can you afford to buy it for yourself at this time?] Feel free to indulge in that a little(or more if it is safe) just this once. Do NOT do anything that brings you greater harm or puts you in any danger(which is why I specified "non-alcoholic" beverages).
I'll happily share some of mine. I favor cranberry juice(cran apple, cran grape, etc.), raspberry iced tea, strawberry/raspberry lemonade, hot cocoa or classic Coke(for a soda) as my drink of choice. And, for a "treat", I'd like a special bowl of chocolate pudding, a plate of Oreos or specially made (holiday) cookies(like pinwheels, chocolate chip with or without oatmeal/peanut butter, or candy cane cookies) with a glass of (chocolate) milk, crab legs(a childhood memory) or maybe a specially made pizza. [There used to be a place nearby that made a Greek-style gyro pizza which was just about as divine as their "cherries jubilee" desert pizza. If you are familiar with this online "kiddy" site called Neopets, you might be familiar with these unusual pizza types. Well, this place brought them into the "real" world!:P]
I cannot exactly specify one particular thing I treasure or purchase I'd like/be able to make. Not to mention, it is too easy to indulge in "shopping" sometimes. So, I forego that idea for this New Year's celebration. [And, now that I think of it, why must the word "celebration" be so glamorized and imposing on everyone? For those less fortunate, can they not "celebrate", or rather "participate", as well? I think sometimes we hear "celebrate" and think we are obligated to be a part of some big show. And, if we fail to do so, we feel like crap or alone and sad. Maybe a big part of holiday depression stems from feeling we are not "up to snuff" with the louder, more boisterous crowd. It should not be that way. We all need to just participate and "celebrate" in whatever way we choose/can. It is an opportunity to share. Not an obligation.]
I'm sure those with groups to congregate know all too well how they will willingly celebrate or fall-in together. Maybe you can invite someone new to participate in the "fun". And, if they have a lil trouble getting around or fitting in, maybe you can assist somehow?
Well, I sure have taken up enough of your reading time:) Not sure I can or will repay all of you who did read this. But, I hope it served its good purpose.
Happy New Year. Throw confetti, blow a toy horn, pop a "cracker", Auld Lang Syne and all that jazz:P
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