I am often reflecting on the "politically correct" concept of "If you can't say anything nice, don't speak". [Or, any variation of the phrase.] This time, I thought I'd examine some example situations. Let's look at how only nice words might fail to answer questions or solve a problem. [Or, how we all might strive to alter our words in the heat of the moment, if possible, and yet solve the problem rather than letting it continue.]
1)Someone you know is doing drugs. You know want them to stop for their own good(and your own health and relationship with the person). But, if you say anything to make them stop, (if you are self-conscious)you feel like the bad guy or you are regarded a negative pressure force which only makes them retract further into that drug-induced world.
"I hear you are doing heroine now. That's really...great. But, some of us feel left out. Could you possibly share some?" [And, then(when they give it to you), simply dispose of it.]
2)Someone is a murder suspect. [I know. Extreme situation.] Now, if the investigative team doesn't press the suspect for information because their assumptions might be incorrect, they don't get the answers they need. This is a bit of a grey area, morally. But, how does one properly get such information without pressing questions? Sometimes evidence is scarce and time is of the essence.
"Some of the guys down at the precinct think you might have done it. So, would you mind coming with us and answer a few questions? I know. Who are we to accuse. But, it would really help us if you played along nicely. Jimmy here is going to put some handcuffs on you. It will be okay."
3)An employee is a)secretly stealing from the company or b)telling people outside the company company secrets that put the company at risk(among other possible infractions). Now, if the owners/bosses of said company don't take action and say something to the employee, 1)the employee might be fired without any clue how or why it happened(partly because they are oblivious to the negativity of their own actions) and/or this activity could continue and further threaten the company.
"We really like having you working with us. And, we like what you have done here. We'd just like to help in any way possible that doesn't put the company in jeopardy. So, could you not do what you are doing almost every day behind our backs? That would be greaaaat."
4)Your family is harping on you in a major way. You cannot deny that you still have feelings for them(because they are still family). But, they do not let up and make every moment of your life uncomfortable(whether or not you are truly guilty of something that should stop). If you don't speak up, it will continue. But, how do you nicely get them off your back without walking away and ignoring the situation?
"You people are near and dear to my heart. But, my heart is breaking just being in the same room as you. So, could you please stop talking so harshly and threatening my well-being? You know that old saying: 'If you can't say anything nice'."
5)You've just discovered that your lover is "cheating". You a)become so angry that you could literally beat him senseless OR b)become so distraught you could commit suicide but want to cry out and shout your feelings at him. How do you nicely convey your feelings and find closure to the problem without committing a homicide(or suicide)?
"Honey, I know what you are doing. And, it does not please me. And, obviously I do not please you. So, let us separate and go please ourselves without creating further emotional and economic upheaval. Peace be with you."
6)[Flip side] You no longer feel love and/or loved by your partner. You want out but are afraid of being on your own again and admitting these feelings. How do you solve this problem nicely? Do you remain silent? "Cheat" by finding someone else behind your partner's back?
"Honey, I no longer share the emotion that is called love with you. It is vital that we separate now and not allow feelngs to become further blackened by denial and confusion. We both will be just fine. It was not meant to be. Go in peace."
How does one nicely deal with anger(and/or "road rage") without burying it and putting strain on the brain?
How does one nicely address someone who has stolen from them?
How does one nicely confront their children when the children have done wrong to such an extent that it angers a parent?
How does one nicely handle ignorance, disobedience and/or lying to their own face(talking behind their back uncovered)?
You may dismiss these as extreme cases or stretching of the old saying. But, I see them as the difference between getting to the truth and allowing lies to fester. Between getting answers and making excuses. Between solving a problem and letting tangles and snags become worse.
| Views: 64
Email This to a Friend 
