How does one become comfortable with killing and/or death?
I find myself asking this question often as I am not a good killer. I used to punish droves of ants mercilessly as a kid. I grew to despise and fear bugs. I still occasionally squash lil buggers. But, if I had to hunt or murder something or someone, I would likely have a very difficult time.
I think of soldiers in battle. When death is at your door, you have little time to sort out things. You hear/see bullets coming at you; you grab your gun and fire back. Simple. But, how does a soldier become comfortable with taking another life? And, whether or not one becomes comfortable with it...does it eat away at your soul? Do you feel the light inside you--that sort of innocent light given at birth--turn dark every time? How does one rationalize killing? [In movies like Star Wars, violent killing is both part of battle(when droves attack) and shunned as a path to "the darkside" when it is one sword-toting individual standing over another.]
I ask these questions as I am often writing a story about some dashing, daring hero type who must carry a weapon of some sort while running around exacting heroic justice. Oh, how it always looks cool to see some character leaping about and swinging a sword or whip. But, blood, wounds and something as lethal as a high-speed gun tend to frighten me a bit.
But, I struggle with the concepts of villains/evil and death. When I put myself in the face of the situation, I ask myself...would I be able to do this? Would I want someone I know and love to do this? Would I be comfortable around this character who I am supposed to call a hero?
On the other side of the coin, how else does one exact justice in some cases when police/government cannot simply put the character in prison? When jail time has no effect or is not possible. When it's a big crime boss who has such influence and armies and could easily bring a "barrage of harm" upon the hero.
And, regarding the other matter, how comfortable am I inventing new fabrications of "darkness"? Sometimes, I fear my mind is too inventive and could actually bring more harm to the world.
Any input on these matters would be greatly appreciated.