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 My Impossible Wish.


In this dark little corner, I need no shedding of light.
This is a place where I tend to weep and cry, and get eaten up by the cruelty of time.
I hide in this corner from my darkest fear, the fear that seem to creep up on me,
when the people who care for me disappear. It is eating away my sanity, it is restructuring  my pain. The pain I once demolished along with these foolish dark mind games. I am a prisoner of my own mind. Chained and locked in the deepest dungeons of my own self. I wish death to come upon me first, then those who are destined for thee. Death is not a punishment, it is a blessing and not a curse. A beauty of finally being able to rest from this damned wretched world. I fear not death to come upon myself, but to those I truly love. For they wish time would not be so
fast to give them a chance to still be here. And yet, the more they stay the more I must move away. I cannot bear the pain, of even thinking of losing them. They mean-- more than my own existence. I'd gladly lay my life on the line.. I'd gladly beg the angel of darkness to take me.. But then, they would be too sad. And I'd be eternally guilty for what I wish to do. The irony of life.
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MusicPlaylist
MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

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"I would beg to be taken away, they beg to be able to stay."
If suicide ain't an issue to the Kingdom of Heaven I'd gladly do it!





NOTE:
DO NOT JUDGE ME.
KEEP YOUR NEGATIVE OPINIONS TO YOURSELF.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK. JUST READ.
THIS IS A PART OF ME THAT I MUST SHARE.
    Posted by brainfreeze21 on 2009-06-02 13:22:14 | Rating: | Views: 423
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~ brainfreeze...i love that you added that note...good for you!!! awesome :) ~
Posted by  frenchkiss  on 2009-06-02 13:27:50 
  
Hahaha! Thanks Frenchy.:)
Yeah, hated if I'd be judged as a.. Hmmmm..
Suicidal person. Heh!xxx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-02 13:29:05 
  
~ brainfreeze...i love the added note too..good for you!!! awesome :-) ~


PS: sorry...i was just running out of ideas

*haha!*
Posted by  isuckedthemoon  on 2009-06-02 13:31:36 
  
Yeah. I kinda noticed that..
I actually wasn't expecting any..
But hey, its the thought that counts..
As referred to Steph's post.:P
Okay, I was kidding and slightly sarcastic.:D
Loves you Moon.xxx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-02 13:33:05 
  
now worries...i read the blog again

and once again i wanna tell you

~ brainfreeze...i love the added note ..good for you!!! awesome :-) ~



*hehe*
Posted by  isuckedthemoon  on 2009-06-02 13:40:05 
  
YOU DIDN'T READ IT YEEEEET!:P

HAHAHA!:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-02 13:41:07 
  
There is not room for judgement only room for awe ^.^ hehe
Posted by  NtK  on 2009-06-02 13:50:04 
  
Awwwwwe. Hahaha. :) Thank you NtK.:)
That rocked my world.<3
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-02 13:55:50 
  
so deep,I would never judge you freeze girl.
I never judge anyone thats not who I am.

take care.
Posted by  monicaspeaks  on 2009-06-02 14:02:25 
  
Thank you Monica.

Take care as well.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:02:34 
  
I can't judge anyone who has felt the icy touch on their heart. Is there anything I can do to help? You're my Weird Sister. Without you, I'm just weird!
Posted by  tinysockmonkey  on 2009-06-02 14:37:21 
  
Thank you Alissa. :)

BIG FROZEN HUGS. *mwah!*
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:03:42 
  
Wow Freeze! That is how I feel at times, I know whent he time is right the Lord will take me. I am looking forward to that day to be with my Savior! I am not afraid of death, gladly take me! Nothing on this earth is for me, this life is temporary and one day I will be with Him! Thank you freeze, I am so glad that you shared that.
Posted by  sl_girl84  on 2009-06-02 15:33:25 
  
You're welcome. And glad you understand.
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:06:41 
  
(hug) I just wanted to say, I could not bear for you to be away:) Live every day like its your last hun :) Love ya lots :)) xx
Posted by  Angie_vV  on 2009-06-02 17:30:22 
  
(HUGS BACK)

Loves you lots Angie.<3
Thank you for your kind words.
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:08:16 
  
Dark, intense... fathoms of feeling, deeply expressed.
Posted by  greunie  on 2009-06-02 19:37:23 
  
Yes. The words are actually buried deep in the corners of my mind.
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:10:05 
  
Hey, Brainiac...this is one that halted me. No judgments, just a really big hug as the biggest crocodile tear rolls down my face. Loves you, dear one.
Posted by  funfreak  on 2009-06-02 20:58:51 
  
Funfreak. Thank you. And loves you much.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:13:04 
  
I absolutely ADORE you and LOVE you babes.. xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoox
Posted by  lolav  on 2009-06-02 22:10:09 
  
AS I LOVE AND ADORE YOU LOLA.<3 XXXXXOOOOOOXXXXXOOOO:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:13:44 
  
I think we've all felt like this at some point. Have faith and like my son says "be special!, papa!"
Posted by  MOZ  on 2009-06-03 00:24:35 
  
Thanks MOZ.<3
Loves you.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:14:33 
  
Freezie:
That was very deep and dark. It took
me to a whole nuther dimension with in my mind.
One that only a very few have seen. Well done.
Posted by  sirdante1  on 2009-06-03 00:43:14 
  
Thanks. And I'm sorry-- If it brought you there.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:16:37 
  
I understand this desire. I live something like it everyday other day, and look forward to living instead during the others. Honestly, I envy your courage to let it out. You have my deepest respect
XX ~Azalia
Posted by  Azalia  on 2009-06-03 01:55:39 
  
Azalia, you are much too kind. I am honored.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:17:30 
  
Thanks for sharing with us here. I wish I could reach out and say everythings o.k.
you seem to resign yourself to the death force and talk of angel of death just back up girl.... you will have support from all people as you enter this phase of life
Posted by  happyhorse10  on 2009-06-03 02:46:28 
  
HappyHorse.. Thanks for the support.<3
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:18:35 
  
alright..
i won't ask just the way you said so miss.freeze c:
but i want to tell you that the poem itself is
really good, although the theme is quite sad,sorrowful
and death,
it's still wonderful.
passionates me ^^,
even in dark moments, you're still good c:
Posted by  yummychippy16  on 2009-06-03 05:24:05 
  
Thank you dear. You are too kind.

*HUGS*xxx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 05:28:17 
  
You wrote that from mine own heart sweet one ..Love ya..

Momma Sara.x.
Posted by  sarafeline  on 2009-06-03 10:06:28 
  
Aye! Yes. You have inspired this one.:)

Loves you Mommy dearest.<3
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 10:11:41 
  
Thats really good. =]
<33
Posted by  Aeriandria  on 2009-06-03 10:53:08 
  
Thank you dear.:)

<33 back. :)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 11:05:36 
  
No judging here babe. I have fire goin
Posted by  Chances777  on 2009-06-03 11:37:24 
  
Hahaha! Thanks Chances.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-03 11:40:41 
  
Oh Freezie... this hurts my heart. I would never ever judge you for how you feel or expressing yourself. You are so beautiful and all I can say to you is that I am so glad that you are here. That I know you and have had the opportunity to love you. I will be here if you need to talk. I wish I knew what else to add to this. It hits home really in many ways. I understand the thoughts, the reasoning, I just give you my heart and love and support and smiles and cherishing for you. ~Scarlet~
Posted by  Evanescence  on 2009-06-03 14:02:12 
  
Oh Scarlet.. Thank you my dear.. I'm also glad to have met you..xxx

LOVES TO YOU DEAREST!!!!
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 05:10:42 
  
You are the best... I just love you presence here... you make my heart smile!

FREEEEZIE ROOOOOCKS!!! BIGGGGG TIMEEEEE!!!!!
Posted by  Evanescence  on 2009-06-04 10:58:52 
  
Ha! Ditto.;)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 14:15:22 
  
Very deep post. The happy, loving music didn't match for me. I had to turn it off while I read because I was getting mixed emotions. But seperately, great music and great post. ;)
Posted by  Stupid_Lamb  on 2009-06-03 14:45:37 
  
Thank you.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 05:11:06 
  
%u201CHumor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.%u201D be cool - Love Puck
Posted by  puck  on 2009-06-03 15:02:33 
  
I am humorous and I rarely use irony.:)

I'm chilled. Loooves you Puuuck.<3
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 05:12:13 
  
Wishes and thoughts expressed are not always indicative of actions wanting to be taken, but merely that, expressed thoughts leaking from a mind trying to make sense of all the aspects of one's self. Hard to read, but a wonder to step inside the mind of a new friend.

(Teak)
Posted by  Teak  on 2009-06-03 19:55:21 
  
Well then, where to start?:)
This part of my mind is the troubled zone-- and the next is.. Unpredictability.
Hehehe.. Welcome to my world dear sir.xxx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 05:18:19 
  
You know I am a vulture. A Black Vulture. For a taste, taste better than myself! To be drained of such beauty! To myself I would not!
Posted by  T3wig  on 2009-06-03 21:18:45 
  
Hehehe. Thanks Twiggy.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 05:26:27 
  
:) he is a sweet KITTY!!!
Posted by  Evanescence  on 2009-06-04 10:57:37 
  
Digging holes to see if there is enough room/to fill the void/spellbound/by Beauty/unable to cast a spell *%^FSKrr
Posted by  T3wig  on 2009-06-04 12:28:41 
  
FSKrr.:) No worries Twiggy. You've manage to get Scarlet's approval.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 14:16:12 
  
Indeed Scarlet.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 14:14:48 
  
i learned a lot from this and i think it is all true it is making my cry inside
Posted by  Lildog11298  on 2009-06-03 21:46:37 
  
Yes.. I'm glad I taught you something. Yet I'm sorry to hear you crying inside.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 05:28:25 
  
Hey sugar. I think we all grow tired of life. yet we persevere, we stand up fight the urges of the dark and continue and most often we are rewarded with something worth living for. It might not happen overnight sometimes we have to hit lower levels even though you dont think you can get lower. Then you call out for help. DEAR GOD PLEASE HELP ME. and he comes along picks you up. lifts you out of darkness and brings you light.
I have been in the deepest of pits in my life and have been lifted.
Have Faith BrainFreezie
Posted by  foolm8  on 2009-06-04 10:21:22 
  
Oh, Foolm8 you have such a beautiful heart.:)
And yes.. I will have faith. Actually,
I do have faith.<3
Loves to you!xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-04 14:14:13 
  
(((Freezie)))...beautiful child.
Posted by  purpleflowersbyth...  on 2009-06-04 19:24:43 
  
Thank you Purps.:)
As you are...xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-05 03:26:29 
  
The poetry, as usual, so delightful to savor, despite the subject matter.

I'm glad to know this reflects on but a corner of your soul's abode, when the rest of you is so obviously full of light and joy, and that while it may be the loss of those you care for which drives you there, there are so many others still present that keep you from the dark angel's scythe. Like us here. ;^)

No judgement, nor negativity I trust?
Posted by  davidsbass  on 2009-06-05 05:41:38 
  
Yes.:) Thank you.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-05 05:44:57 
  
So dark and talented jezze is impressed {JB}.
Posted by  jezzabelle  on 2009-06-05 20:09:43 
  
Hahaha! Thanks Jezzie baby.;)
I'm not all dark. Hehehe. But my momsy Sara is.:D
Hehehe! You're awesome girl.;)
Loves.xx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-06 04:08:38 
  
Freeezie, wow I LOVE that song ... love edward love it ... My beautiful friend, you will never be left without friends .. I may be a little slow in responding sometimes but anytime you feel like it I'm there, I'm here, I remain a friend no matter what and would NEVER just you, lest I be judged myself! :) xxxx
Posted by  EasyToSay  on 2009-06-05 23:53:36 
  
Awwww! I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN BUT NOT ROBERT PATTINSON!:P
hehehe. You're too sweet.
You're the bomb!xxx
Thank you. Loves..xxx
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-06 04:11:30 
  
It takes courage to expose to the world the dark, murky corners of our souls, I don't think I could have done as well. Glad you found no judgement and only a course of acceptance for thoughts that lurk beneath many people's exteriors. Beautifully cratfed, brainfreeze21. :)

~ Cully.
Posted by  Cully  on 2009-06-06 05:37:19 
  
Courage always comes at the wrong time.xx

Thank you Cully. Much too kind.<3

btw, you can call me Freeze.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-06 08:10:31 
  
HUGZ...

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-06-06 08:08:00 
  
.HUGS BACK.

Now don't get freaked out.
Its my normal temperature.<3

Loves E.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-06 08:11:40 
  
HAHAHAHA, Yes but I like your hugs cause I get to warm them up and give them back!

O,o

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-06-06 08:14:31 
  
Awwwwww. That was sweeeeeet.<3


MORE FROZEN HUGS COMING YOUR WAY--
AND CHILLED KISSES...
AND ICED KISS MARKS..
AND.........................
Okay let's leave it at that.....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-06 08:16:34 
  
DOH! Yeah I am married! Would not want to come home with FROST BITE! DOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEHEHEH

E
Posted by  Evetspordlaw  on 2009-06-06 08:17:43 
  
HAHAHAHAHA! YOU SERIOUSLY CRACK ME UP!

SEEERRRRIIIIOOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY!!!! !:P
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-06 08:18:36 
  
I like that you call me.. Bella Breezy.<3

I was too stressed out when I wrote this D.
I really didn't know what to say.....
It was based from my grandparents. I love the to death.
Specifically my grandfather. So... Yeah.

You are funny D. I wanna know you more.<3
I'mma email you.:)
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-07 21:07:54 
  
My abject apologies for I wish to offend you naught.
Isn't Bella Breezy = beautiful cool girl?
Have you read Dreadnaught?
Posted by  desinq  on 2009-06-07 21:33:43 
  
Ah no! You didn't offend.:)
Anyway.. I think "Bella" means Beautiful.:)
And "Breezy"-- well.. Yeah.:)
I like Bella Breezy. Hehehe!

And nope! Haven't seen Dreadnaught!:D
But I've seen Beauty and the Beast.:P
Hehehe.xx

Loves you D.
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-07 22:55:20 
  
Nah, Bella + italian, beautiful girl, bello = beautiful boy. Or have I got them reversed?????
Posted by  desinq  on 2009-06-07 23:23:54 
  
Hahaha! You got it right!:) I IMed you!!! Where were you?
Posted by  brainfreeze21  on 2009-06-07 23:26:20 
  
ok, i dont know if this falls under judgement or not.

but to me,... i think you are wonderful.

i only wish peace to you:)
Posted by  wraithwriter  on 2009-06-13 05:46:30 
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brainfreeze21
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