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| Hi my name is Bob, and I'm living with ALS
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What is ALS (amotrophic lateral sclerosis), well its a disease that slowly (at least in my case) steals away your muscle, leaving you in a state of paralysis, with only the eyes and sexual organs unaffected. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was probally going to die within a two year period, as is the case with most people afflicted with this. My diagnosis was on September 10, 2001, and this was the day I had the hardest thing to do. I had to sit my children down and tell them what was happening to me and what could be coming. I had tried so very hard that day, to keep my composure, and not to scare them shittless with this news, but the lump I had in my throat was so big, that I almost choked. It was so hard to look at them and see the truth sink in to thier minds about what it was I was saying to them. I told them that at least that we can be thankful that we will have this precious time together, because some don't get this chance, that they get in a car wreck, slip and hit thier heads, etc...and don't get to say good bye. The next day, Sept 11, 2001 brought it all home! I have to date, lost a good chunk of my arm strength, I have NO muscle left in my upper shoulders, no bicep muscle in my right arm and no tricep left in my left arm. My chest muscles so far are still relatively strong, but there has been some deterioration. You may think that this sucks, which it does, but at least I am still alive 6 yrs on. I asked the LORD, please allow me the time to see my kids grow , finish school and step out into the world around them, then I can die in peace. Well I have almost had my wish come true, my eldest boy, Miles, has graduated from High School, Dylan graduates this school year, but my daughter Shelby has only gotten to grade seven, so with Gods' blessing I will be here to see her do the same. To add insult to injury, my wife, Bonnie Valiquette, left me earlier this year, stating that she didn't feel it was fair for her to look after me when things got worse. Now thats committment eh! It tore my heart out of me, here was the woman that I loved, the mother of my kids, someone who I've been with for 20 years, and to hear the words that she said to me, wow! I still can't believe how spiteful, mean spirited, and just plain hateful she was, to the point where I almost took my life. I didn't feel as if I had anything to live for, I was so afraid to be alone! To have no one to hold me, be there for me when I need it. She couldn't or wouldn't see what was happening, to see the deep pit of despair I was falling into. The depression I was in was slowly killing me, even faster than the disease was. Couldn't she understand that everytime that I felt a tremor in my body I worried. That I was and still am scared shitless about what is happening day in and day out. No, instead, she just had to get out, to have a new life, and I was just something to be discarded, something in her way towards her new identity. She waited until she was finished her schooling, and on her way into her new career at TAU keephills power plant, and then she went on her verbal and emotional attack on me and today, here I sit. I ate morphine that night, 1200 mg to be exact, that I shouldn't be here today, but for some unexplained reason, I didn't die. Even with my one lung completely filled with vomit, from breathing it in, I still lived. It was close and as the doc said, someone has a plan for me, thats how close it was. To say that I'm afraid to die now, no, no I'm not, but I want to live, to experience all I can, to try and be the best father that I can be to my kids for as long as I can, regardless.I am so sorry for the pain that I caused them, no kid should ever have to go through that, and I will take that guilt with me to the grave. Well, thats the jist of it, I will coninue this until I can no longer, so God bless.
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Posted by boval4466 on 2007-09-28 17:02:46 | Rating: | Views: 260
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God bless you also. You do have a purpose and life has been granted to you. Don't take it in vain. With that said, fuck your wife. I wish I could say something better on her behalf. But marriage is not a light arrangement between two people. It is the ultimate engagement of minds, bodies, and souls. Even after 20 some years, that should not deteriorate regardless of the directions the two of you head in. You are truly better off without her and I hope you enjoy the rest of your life and embrace it. Travelling sounds absolutely wonderful! Enjoy meeting the world.
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Posted by im14sin
on 2007-09-28 20:30:00
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Bob, I pray that you will find the courage and strength to continue to fight and live for you....for your children! I believe you are still alive for a reason! May God bless you! :)
If you get a chance, please take a look at my Author's Links. You might also enjoy reading some of Jesusmyvision's blogs.....very encouraging!!
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Posted by Alice
on 2007-10-03 02:43:53
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