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| I REALLY HATE MY LIFE!!!!
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I hate eveything about my life. I hate the fact that I really don't have that one really really really best friend above all the others. I have a bunch, but I guess that's okay so long as none of them are fighting, which most of the time somebody is. I hate the fact that I am so confused by that boy from my church, that boy who I really do care for soooooooooo much and that I really just want to be with. I really just like talking to him. I love it when he gives me attention it just makes me feel wanted by someone and it makes me feel special.
The really pathetic part is that I'm actually waiting for school on Monday just to see if he will come over and sit with me at lunch.
Evidently, I'm a really unstable person. I really don't know what that means but I agree with them and it sounds like I probably am. I really just want to feel needed in somebody's life. I don't like mine so I want to be important in someone else's, if that even makes sense.
Now don't get me wrong; I'm not self-centered. I know that I may seem like it at some times, but I really don't mean to be. I hate myself so much there's no way I could be self-centered.
Is it being self-centered to completly revovle your life around another person? I know it sounds like it is highly unlikely, but it may be the case for me.
There are just no redeeming qualities about me. I feel like I'll really never be a whole person for some weird reason. I just feel like I'm missing something important.
I should probably sleep. But the sooner I fall asleep, the sooner I wake up. And the sooner I wake up, the sooner I have to go back to the real world and deal with all the drama I cause with the guys I flirt with and my friends and teachers and everybody seems to want something from me.
I really haven't ever felt wanted. Anywhere. I guess my friends do want me from time to time, but then they get sick of me and tell me to leave them alone and get a blog. Whatever. I don't need to take that kind of crap from them.
Maybe that's the only reason I ever started liking the boy from church. He gave me attention when I wanted it the most and he was nice to me. All a person ever really wants is for others to be nice to them.
I just wish sometimes that he wasn't so sweet. I know this sounds weird, but there is a point to it. See, he's so sweet that even if he doesn't like me, then he might just be coming over to sit with me sometimes because he feels sorry for me. I don't want a person feeling sorry for me, especially not the boy that I like. So I worry that that is why he hangs around me. I hope that I don't come off as desperate to him. I don't wanna.
Gosh I didn't want to turn this into a blog about him again. Darnit. I just really hope that this situation resovles itself in a matter of time. I just really don't want to get hurt. Because it would be like a double blow to me if he rejected me because he is my friend and I don't like getting hurt by my friends.
Somebody Freaking Help Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm soooooooo confused right now I might freaking go mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna go to bed now... I'm really freaking tired.
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Posted by borednlonely on 2007-10-19 21:31:02 | Rating: | Views: 106
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This may sound weird, but hating you life and yourslef sometimes can make you self-centered. No offense because most of the time I am exactly the same way. Just keep flirting with the guy and eventually he'll make a move. OR if your a more bold girl and you aren't terrified of getting hurt (like I am) you can make a move. That is probably the easiest way ever (without getting complicated) to know if he's into you. And to me, with all the flirting and hugging you talk about (that really means something if a guy does that, unless he just like that all the time) he must be into you! And like me, you probably assume he doesn't like you even though you KNOW he does... Once again, I really ope I helped
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Posted by Amandabree
on 2007-10-20 18:36:41
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Wow, for a minute there I thought I wrote this blog in my sleep...hmm. Well, it would be more like me a few years back now. I'm sort of past the whole self loathing bit. It wears out its welcome. I'd be more concerned that HE that you speak of might read this thing and THEN have something to say about it. Not worry so much if he likes you for your or just to be nice...that just leads to a bad cycle.
In regards for what you and Amanda said, I would be so greatful if more women made the first move:P I am a great starter of books and other projects, but when it comes to hooking up with people...I turn into a totem pole. Motion and often speechless.
Before you go mad, 1)Breathe deep and let it out. 2)Get plenty of sleep--preferably 8 hrs a night and 3)Try eating oatmeal with banana to calm down naturally and feel better.
If you feel you need or want to, you can contact me.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2007-10-21 19:44:25
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Bad spelling, I meant I'd be GRATEFUL if women would make the first move and break the ice with me...then I'd be much more able to respond and get things going. I just need the cork pop. And, I hope I would be nice and considerate enough not to disrespect the person and simply say something like "I'm sorry; I just can't get involved with someone like you." I know that hurts. So, I hope I don't do that.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2007-10-21 19:47:41
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Urgh, why didn't I get this all in one...one last thing, the ID boredandlonely...one thing I have found in online activities or names in any case...to BE a negative, you BECOME negative. If you can, change or get a new ID/account with a more optimistic or creative name.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2007-10-21 19:49:25
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