So I'm reading a really great book right now.  it's called Living Every Single Day.  It's about being content with being single.  I find it like kindof a connundrum (sp) because I get these kinds of books because I'm struggling with the bitterness and lonliness and the books do ease some of the restlessness (afterall, they are time-consuming).  But in reading them, I find that I focus a lot of my energy on the subject.  I often wonder if there were something out there that could just take my mind off the subject completely like a robust hobby or immersing myself in work, that it might be all the better than reading these books.  BUT, as I have no rubust hobbies, I am content just for reading these books and then trying to put the subject out of my mind.  So there, it's funny.  Cuz I read the books to think about it.  Then, I don't think about it.  Hrm.

I find my new situation here in Atlanta to be somewhat awkward as of now.  I don't have that many friends, yet.  David and Alisha are angels.  I love and enjoy their company so much...but alas, they have little adorable baby boys and with that comes responsibility that us singletons don't have to worry about.  And then there is Thomas.  A brother from another mother and strangely enough although it seems we never really were alltogether very close at any point, we seem to be able to pick up our friendship as if we'd just been to war together.  A wounded spirit right now, in so many ways, I think he naturally gravitates to my motherly demeanor.  I think many of my friends always have.  But I am well aware of the implications of my time with him.  I have set some boundaries with myself, not just on his behalf, but for any guy that I might happen to meet up with here.  And I feel that I can beat the stereotype.  But it's nice to have his company.  

Oh but the oddness of it all!  And the crazy dreams I've been having lately.  My dreams are teasers.  Mocking and reminding me of the people I've left behind.  Steffen.  Need I say more?  I don't understand how the awkwardness got so out of hand with that one.  I ponder what it would have been like if I'd been straighforward with him in the beginning.  Then perhaps I wouldn't have clung to the notion for so long.  And perhaps I wouldn't be 300 miles away from him and still trying to forget about it.  I heard his voice on the phone with Joe the other night.  And I started crying as soon as I hung up the phone.  Mostly self-pity.  This voice in my head kept playing over and over " I miss my friends.  I miss them so much."  It's hard.  It's hard to let go.  I called Alisha later on and she prayed with me over the phone.  GOD BLESS HER!  I swear to you, if you find a friend who is willing to shruk the strangeness of praying OVER THE PHONE, then you have found a true gem of a human being and you ought to bless that connection forever. 

On beginnings:

I need to find better things to do with my time.  This is mostly why I opened this blog.  Something to get my thoughts down, ease my mind, let it off my chest, etc.  BUT, I need to get away from this computer!  I've been reading a little but there is so much more that I could be doing!  

On health:

I've been working out.  I pray that this will not only alter my body but my mind as well.  I bought an ipod and carry it with me to go jogging.  Then I come home, lift some 5lb. weights and use a tension band to do some low-key workout.  This I do about three times a week.  But, it is my desire to work up the enthusiasm to make it an every day habbit.  

(and i want to quit smoking...there I said it.  I hope I didn't jinx myself...or maybe it's because I don't really WANT to quit, but know I should...Oh, Lord, help me to change my mind.)