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My friend once told me that I “can’t have it all” when we were discussing my relationship issues. I’d like to say I’m in this pseudo relationship. And I use the term pseudo because I am not quite sure how real it is. Or whose definition I’m using when talking about a “real relationship.” So anyhow, I’ve been struggling for some time about whether or not this “relationship” that I’m in is worth all the worry and stress that I’m going through. I know my feelings and I know what I want in the relationship; however I cannot say that I know what my “partner” feels or wants. He says some things that make it alright, but when I see a lack of effort in his actions it makes me think twice. It is definitely a part of me and one of my core beliefs that if you really want something then you will and should do what it takes in order to get it. Supposedly there’s “a lot of promise” but how am I to know that when he doesn’t make the effort to have a real conversation in almost two weeks. I understand we are both very busy people however my definition of being in a relationship is knowing how the other person is doing. I know he’s busy with projects for work but can’t homie send a text to say Hi?! I try to keep myself calm with the nice things he’s said in the past and re-read the Valentine’s card he sent… but those can only hold me for so long. There comes a point when you need to take some time out to maintain the relationship. I’m trying to be calm til I go home on Saturday because I have two papers due this week but I can’t help but stress and worry. I’ve thought about going on a date with someone my friend is trying to set me up with. Although this other man is also busy, as he has his own company and travels a lot, I want to see how someone else with a busy schedule handles a relationship or what not. I know I can vent out of about three more pages of text and still not come up with an answer. So I think I’ll end this little CBT “homework” and hopefully be able to put this issue aside and focus on school issues. *Sigh* The "price" you pay in order to have financial stability.. can't we ever have it all?
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Posted by bocalig on 2008-03-03 15:18:23 | Rating: | Views: 30
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