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| there is what you desire and then there is reality
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What I find so frustrating in life is the struggle between desire and reality. As a mom, I have so many things I want to do, not only for my family but for myself. I desire to wake up with a huge smile, ready to enter the adventure of another day. Reality, I wake up after 5 hours of sleep to a screaming baby, feeling anything but ready. I desire to relax and enjoy time with 8 beautiful children. Reality, time is taken up with a determined, challenging, red headed two year old, a diva 4year old and a baby who is growing up before I can appreciate her. I desire to be a calm, patient, joyful mom and wife. Reality, I lose it alot and struggle to hold on to the joy I KNOW is in the Lord. I desire (with my whole heart) to appreciate this moment in time and the phase I find myself in because I know it will be gone in a blink of an eye. Reality, the moment seems like an eternity and I can't wait for it to be behind me. It is like Paul said in Romans 7:15 "For I do not do the good I desire but rather the evil I do not desire". I know this is because I am a sinner living in a fallen world but the struggle is so frustrating. I want to do sooooo much but rarely accomplish what I desire. I also have so many really great ideas for helping my children (reading with them more, individual help with specific subjects, spending quality time with each, building special memories) but usually they stay in my head and at the end of the day I can't figure out why I couldn't manage to implement at least one or two of the ideas.
I know throughout the years I have built some really great memories, unfortunately I find myself in a really overwhelming phase of life. I don't want to miss the good but I spend so much time dealing with the bad, I know I am missing alot. Life's great ironies, I guess. I don't doubt God's goodness, I just wish I could see the whole picture. A dear friend e-mailed me a great illustration. It asked, "Is flour good by itself? Or baking soda? Or salt?" etc. But it takes all those ingredients, which alone dont' appear to be good, to make a really good cake. God puts all these things, which on their own, is really hard to see as a good thing but I know when this life is over I will see the beautiful creation He has made.
Today has been a struggle. It is REALLY hard not to scream and give up when you start the day the way I did (sleep deprived and thrown into a mob of children with attitudes) but I know I can't give up despite how much my humanness tell me otherwise. And if you find yourself struggling as I am, please don't give into the desire to quit. Remember, God is Good even when life is horrendous. I hope I have encouraged someone in a way that it makes you know you are not alone in your pain or struggles. People need to know someone else understands and that can at least makes you feel a little less crazy.
So, whatever situation you find yourself in today, whether it be single, childless, married, or with children, know you can make something positive out of it. Reach outside of yourself to improve someone else's day and in the end you will reap the blessing. Thank you for reading my blog today. I look forward to an comments. May God Bless.
Kathy
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Posted by bobkat on 2008-01-16 11:08:29 | Rating: | Views: 120
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Believe me, I am so happy that I am single and have a very organized life. Everyone has their struggles to deal with and their mountains to climb. Am I happy that I don't have to deal with attitudes and screaming children? Yes, but there are people with attitudes where I work that can take their toll on you as well. So everyone has something.
I do, however, so enjoy my freedom. It's the one thing I treasure and in light of how limiting it can be to have kids I feel grateful for being single and childless.
Something to think about is all the memories and feelings of accomplishment that you will have when you're older. I'm not sure I'll be able to say the same thing.
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Posted by skinyjewel
on 2008-01-16 15:16:56
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I agree, you can choose to be positive. IT makes a huge difference.
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Posted by tech4Him
on 2008-01-17 12:50:14
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