I write today with a lighter heart than I have had for almost seven months.  I titled this "An Awesome God" because if it weren't for Him I wouldn't still be here, I would have done something stupid.  Everytime things get so dark, along comes a little miracle (as I call them).  I want people who read this to have hope that God is good, not just to some, but to all, even if it means holding on when you don't think you can.  "Hold on, there is a miracle right around the corner. "  That was in the movie, Daddy's Little Girls (a MUST watch movie, by the way).  I don't think I will every forget what an impact that statement had on me.  I watched that on a particularly horrible, dark day, when I was so close to giving up and it was exactly what I needed.  Just to hear someone offer hope was enough to help me hold on a little longer.
     The weekend was pretty bad for the most part.  I was horribly depressed Sunday but I feel like God gave me a gift Sunday night and put an umbrella over me which gave me a relief from all the attacks I had been fighting.  It was the feeling of being sheltered at a time when I was too exhausted to go on.  I wish I could describe it so you would feel what I did but I know it was one of those things you have to experience for yourself.  All I can say was it was a sense of provision.  Provision that could only come from God.  My spirit went from depressed to joyful and uplifted in minutes (unexplainable).  I had the idea (also from God, in my opinion) to have all the children pitch in Sunday night and get the house clean and in order.  I had planned to do that on Monday when they were in school and was dreading the idea.  But instead we all worked together, finished the work and got to enjoy family time with popcorn and America's Funniest Home Videos.  The children were put to bed early so they wouldn't be tired for school, so I was able to enjoy (the first time in I can't remember how long) a turkey sandwich and actually watched a TV show from start to finish, uninterupted.  I was just pumped!  I was ahead of the game!  Lunches ready for the next day, breakfast prepared, house clean and time to relax.  What a rarity, something I don't take for granted.
     There is a different feel around here this week.  The light at the end of the tunnel feel.  I am practical in not expecting this to last, but while I have this extra shelter from God, I will celebrate.  Having unusually warm weather Monday and Tuesday was an added bonus in Michigan.  The children actually played out in a rain shower, IN JANUARY!  Yes it meant an extra load of laundry, but it was well worth it.
     I don't know how someone can go from utter despare to lifted up and joyful except to say, God IS good.  Hold out for your miracle.  It is just around the corner.
     On my next post, I am commited to writing about how I got where I am today (married, eight children, humbled and struggling) , but for today I am just going to enjoy the moment.  Good bye for now
Kathy 

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