s'ok a died in the wool blog o' sorts. err...had sum thoughts b4 now they've dun gone and left us. yeah...ok i remember now, recollecting.
before, in school was always waiting for friends like. in the first 2 colleges we attended we made none really. it wasn't till i stopped looking i founds some. same as it goes now, wishing when i started this new place to have some group of folk to talk to and expound or meet to study. well i've dun and found some...and to be honest dun't want to talk to any o' those that talk ta me. even the studyin' partner. finally actually had a non-girl over to my place....but it was dissappointin' cuz the sob only wanted the quick solution to answers.....i needs to understand tha underlying concepts behind what i bee learning.....i need i realize to really study alone. i am a terrible mind....
which is what infuriates me with the youngers and all, they want their degrees and a job and the move in cliche circles. "who cares about the material? i got an A. "; "i'm taking 3 classes over the summer"- SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP. god-forbid you actually care about what it is you are learning. and i don't mean you care if you got it wrong or right. i mean that you want to honestly take what your learning and apply it to the real world. heavens fucking forbid. jesus fucking christ.
thats what pisses me off about the youngin's here, their lack of care. the "professor all you need to do is add up a, b and c and you get the same answer" fucks. Yeah....maybe, maybe your need to cut corners and actually do everything you can and spend ALL that mental ability you have on NOT learning the material and just try to come up with shortcuts, maybe it could be put to , oh, i don't know, ACTUALLY LEARNING WHAT THE FUCK THE PROFESSOR IS TALKING ABOUT. yeah i know its hard, the two classes your taking and the family pressures. jesus fucking christ.....and the old fucks and middle old fucks are just as bad . why? cuz they are in it for a bigger paycheck where they already work.
yes, i wanna get paid.
yes, i want a degree.
but, i want to UNDERSTAND as well. jesus fuckin' christ.
......other things. why is it you can never find what your looking for when you need it? why you gotta let fate decide when and where shyt smiles in your fucking favor.....wasn't looking for love- BAM it fucking punched me in the throat. wasn't looking for a friend- POW, right in the kisser. wasn't looking for more shifts - OUCH thanks for the money kick to the balls. wasn't looking for a shorty (got she is cute. why are so many of this biotches cute? jesus christ i miss intimacy. but i ain't lookin' for no gf now. just some spooning ) - KA-BLAM. she is interested. wasn't looking to talk to you biotch as i was out smoking - CHING-CHONG-FU-PAM, she walks by me thinking i wanna talk- no thanks. wasn't looking for another Linux obsession now - KNICK-KNACK-PADDY-WACK, the prof sob had to have such a TIT laptop- i had to fucking ask! yeah, so my need for an equal, right now that is somewhat an extension of my earlier searching. i realize that i prolly won't find one now- when i stop and am consumed by a Life worth living i will. It's like my ex's car, she parks where i pick up tha subway and everyday i look for it. today i saw it, completely not lookin' fo' tha' shyz-nit. Der be da beast, that Silver 'sTang.
Dunno, overall. I must say that i am overwhelmed by my life right about now - but i will also gladly admit, to those who live under the yolk of another, those who have no major obligations other than there own interests (respecting those that have such obligations, because they do not judge) that ,
I am happy and content with my life.
and i guess thats all one can ever be.
peace and love.
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