What was that I said about the universe talking to me?  Out of the blue tonight my dad IM'ed me.  Seems he has a new computer and wanted to test out the video function on it and since we've made the video chat work previously...

Well, the vid chat worked just fine.  In fact, I was able to talk to him and tell him about my current situation.  The last time I saw him was just before I moved out.  Things at home were difficult at that point, but I was still at home.

We chatted for over an hour.  I talked to him about some of my frustrations and my hopes.  I even admitted to him that I was involved with another man.  It was a good conversation and he was supportive of what I am trying to do.  He agrees with me that it's important to take the time to sort out my feelings and my needs so I can understand how to repair the relationship with my husband, whether that repair results in reconciliation or divorce.  I said I'd rather we be two good, effective parents who clearly love our children and are happy in our lives... apart, then to be two half-hearted parents who are miserable and angry in our lives married.  Of course, I'm not necessarily advocating divorce here.  I'm simply saying that I'm not predisposing myself to any outcome, what I'm trying to do is understand how the person that I am can have the best relationship with the man who is currently my husband.  However that plays out.

I told him about my job and living arrangements, including making mention of the need for money in a tight timeframe.  But I did not ask.  If I have to, I will, but I don't want to.  As I said, if this is meant to happen it will work itself out.  Perhaps my dad getting in touch with me tonight is a sign.  Or maybe not.  All I know is I now have another option that I had not considered before.  

This weekend has been full of changes, bits of information that could potentially answer some of the questions I've only begun to ask.  I don't expect-the- answer to fall from the sky and hit me over the head, though the issue of money and where to live has been distracting me from focusing on, or more on, the issues inside my head and heart.  Sometimes it's frustrating to catch glimpses of the bigger picture but never see it all the way.  I wish I knew what -the- answer was.  I wish I could just see the end part and know how this works out.  But this is a journey, and all I can think is that the small flashes of that bigger picture are simply meant to encourage me to keep going.

And now I am going... off to bed.  I'm exhausted!