After September 11th, it was 7 years before I got on a plane. No its not because I'm afraid of Bin Laden. It has nothing to do with terrorists, or corrupt politicians, or planes crashing. I didn't fly because the last time I did in August 2001 my cat got ate by a coyote while I was gone. So, it took me a while to believe that my new cat wouldn't end up parted out around the neighborhood if I wasn't around to stop it from happening. I'm apt to get a little carried away at my own experience as a passenger. So if you want a summary of the rules go to the last paragraph.

I had no idea that I was in for just as much of a shock when I got back on a plane, after the shock I experienced the last time I stepped off a plane when getting the news about my kitty. I'd heard about the shoes off thing, and the no lighters part, no sharp stabbing items, no box cutters and such. But no one had told me about the herd mentality that all humans no matter what their purpose was for traveling by air; whether it be to see a new great grandchild or close a deal for a multi-million dollar business venture, no matter who the person in the line was they all had the same facial expression of inmates told to keep their hands in their pockets and their shoulders against walls. The more experienced fliers only managed to look more institutionalized in these lines to the metal detector cameras/magic wands, and surgical gloves which were the only items that equaled authority. Of course these weren't inmates being told how to wear their clothes, it was travelers being told how to take them off and what to take off, as if they had broken the law themselves and deserved to be talked down to. The line would suddenly stop because someone didn't follow the law and brought a liquid of some kind on board that weighed more than 3.3 oz., or that liquid wasn't in a clear plastic zip bag. Get this, it can't be a big freezer bag that zips or a sandwich size bag that doesn't zip. It has to be a SANDWICH sized freezer bag that ZIPS, or they can toss your stuff right into the garbage and you can't do squat! When I left Kentucky after the Kentucky Derby, there were at least 12 souveniour Kentucky Derby Snowglobes confiscated as illegal carry on because they were capable of holding more than than the legal amount of fluid on a plane! You'd think someone would warn people as they dropped off their luggage to be put in the luggage bay of the plane, Hey did you get a snowglobe? Put it in your suitcase or they will take it away from you. Obviously that didn't happen. It sort of reminded me of Tijuana how the vendors are more than happy to sale you a whole bunch of items they know will be taken away from you at the border crossing. They get at least two for one sales this way.

Another lesson I learned the hardway, take the laptop out of its holder and place it in its own plastic bin! Otherwise they will hold up the entire line while they slowly go over it with some stupid thing that looks like a high tech bubble wand! I swear that thing couldn't possible know anything, because I couldn't even identify the grunge that was under those keys! To me some of it looked like it could be Antrax spores.

Back to the topic on airplane travel rules when it comes to carry-on. Don't take the obvious that's going to get you chained to a bench in a part of the airport you didn't know existed before...no weapons, or tools that some use as weapons, box-cutters, machetes, chain saws. You can argue it was a tool in a lot of situations but the judge won't believe it if you were planning to work with tools like these. That's a given and easy to remember, no killing items.

What is hard and downright annoying to find out at the last minute are the rules that ANYONE can break. Rules that have to do with making yourself look, smell, see, feel better, not with cutting someones jugular. Who knew you could get treated like a criminal because of a snow globe?! So my advice is go online to the Department of Homeland Security before you bored that plane and go to the Transportation Authority page and find out what the newest rules are. They change all the time. They never make sense and they are hard to remember. So, refresh your memory or acquaint it with the newest most pointless government red tape found only within these two agencies. Only those who read the rules EVERYTIME they fly don't seem to learn something new the hard way on their vacations or business trips.