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Yesterday was the first good day we've had in over two weeks. And it may be the last we have in who knows how many more.
Our situation has been pretty grim the last few weeks thanks to Medicaid. Our last doctor's visit we received a new prescription for a larger dose of risperdal. Medicaid will not fill a prescription of the same pill for more than 65? pills per month, regardless of the dose. His dose was set up so that he was taking 4x.25mg a day. So that's appx. 120 pills a month. All the pharmacy could do was fill two days. So, they called the doctor's office for a "prior approval," which the doctor's office apparently only does on Friday. So, from Monday to Friday, there's no way to get any pills. Come Friday, the pharmacy still can't get through to the person who's supposed to be filing this request, and David's spent an entire week OFF OF HIS ANTIPSYCHOTIC medication. A) this kid is hard to deal with when he is on his medicine, when he's off, he's dangerous to himself and others B) stopping these sorts of medication cold-turkey is never a good thing.
I finally get the doctor's office on the phone, they say they haven't heard from the pharmacy (which I do not in the slightest believe), and they don't have any sample meds that we can give David. The girl on the phone acknowledges that it's not good for him to be off of the meds, but nothing happens. I called back the pharmacy, they say that they have sent the same fax at least twice and spoken to at least two different people on the phone.
So a full week passes, and last Monday, the doctor's office calls me and lets me know that the "prior approval" has been faxed to Medicaid. We should be able to get his medicine filled. The pharmacy is able to fill 32 pills, but that's all. So we had another eight days to try to get the situation straightened out. Gave it a few days to see if Medicaid was simply being slow in processing their paperwork. Checked back with the Pharmacy, still nothing. Called the doctor's office again, left message.
Last week, he took the meds all week long, but after letting them get out of his system, it was like starting from scratch. Every day was a bad day. He was extremely tired, extremely irratible, and extremely impossible. One of our pharmacy trips ended with me walking out and forgetting my wallet because I was having to walk behind David and pick up all of the medicines he was pushing off shelves. Angry for having to sit still for five minutes.
He hurt my wrist last week in one of his fits. Spanking is usually reserved for last resort, but he received several. Because of trying to hurt me or breaking things. Saturday wasn't a terrible day, but he had one little spell. He was very tired, he kept telling me, and so I had his brother take his crayons from their bedroom so David could turn out the light and lay down for a while (because it's what David wanted to do.) About two minutes later, David is storming through the house, angry. I'm so tired and frustrated after the week we've had. I've installed chain locks on both doors exiting the house so that he can't get outside and run (which he's been known to do), so when he stomps across the house to the door and tries to open it, he can't. I cornered him back into the bunk bed area and got him to lay back down. I asked repeatedly what made him mad, was he mad at me, why are you angry? Finally after about five minutes of silence, he points at the wall. "The wall made you mad?" Nods, and he's fine after that.
When I was explaining to my mother that he'd only had the one small episode that day and that he was mad at the wall, she simply said, "It was probably talking to him." If this is the case, we're getting into a whole other set of issues. That's outside of basic bipolar disorder. And this is while he was taking the medication.
Today, he took the last of the 32 pills he was able to get last week. The pharmacy has yet to be able to fill the rest. The doctor's office doesn't answer the phone because they work weird hours. School starts this week, and I'm afraid that David's going to have another one of those weeks if he's off his medicine.
Normally, when medicated (and before the outbursts became so violent) he is a very pleasant, very happy, very loving child. He's fun to be around. But last week, you could ask him if he enjoyed hurting other people and he'd reply with a nod. You could ask if it made him happy to see other people cry and he'd reply with a nod. And he'd have solid black eyes and a lowered brow when doing so, like there was no little boy in there, just a demon. It's scary.
I'm taking him today to get his ear/eye exam for the Pre-K. Mom's going to get on the phone and try to find a way to get medicine before tomorrow gets here.
We're afraid that having weeks like last week, this otherwise bright, intelligent, sweet kid will end up in special education because he can't be put into a classroom with "normal" kids. Not to mention the fact that even when I'm taking my antidepressants and anxiety medications, I can't deal with his days like that. I have a hard time taking care of myself half the time. There are days when I do good to get out of bed. Yet, not only do I have to find some sort of will to live when my brain says no way, I have to take care of a kid who simply put, sometimes leaves me wishing I wasn't around to have to take care of him. And it's bad to think things like that. But I end up laying in bed with him after an angry spell waiting for him to fall asleep and crying until I have a headache or fall asleep with him.
Parenting is not supposed to be easy. But it's certainly not supposed to be this hard.
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Posted by bipolarchild on 2008-08-04 08:54:30 | Rating: | Views: 59
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God bless, you surely need it and any other help that can come your way. I will add you and David to my prayers. I understand completely how hard it is to deal with and I know full well how hard it is for you to even move sometimes if you're suffering a major depressive spell. I'm BP also so I understand the difficulties and I sometimes have major depressive spells so I know where you're coming from. God help me, i just cannot imagine what it must be like for a little 4 year old boy to be battling this beast. I've battled it for close onto 15 years at least and I'm a middle aged adult. For the life of me I cannot imagine the hell he's going through. You have my promise to pray for him, and you.
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Posted by Tony51203
on 2008-08-26 15:28:53
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A very good friend of mine has it as well, and we're in our late 20's. She's usually the first person I go to when things start to get rough, but just like you said... From the perspecitve of a four year old? How hard it must be living inside his head. I just try my darndest not to let things get the best of me. I know he needs me to remain as calm and supportive as possible. Thanks for your comments and prayers. :)
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Posted by bipolarchild
on 2008-08-26 20:55:27
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