| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| Seven |
Its been a number of mine- lucky ? I could not really comment on luck right now but I did grow up
( or let me rephrase ) spent some childhood years basically 2-18 at
77 7th Ave in NYC ......... and when I went to India for the first time my name changed to Bethany 77
And many things in my life add up to 7..... codes, passwords ect....
So here I am Oct 31, 2009 - 7 Seven people gone from my life in the past 77 days...
a partner, a best friend, a parent, an assistant, two managers and an officer. People who were perhaps not the best to have in my space any longer... or so the universe thinks - I do happen to agree but it is still painful and most likely will continue to be.
And I am the common denominantor..... and the fact that 6 of these people were on the "payroll" and at least one was on my emotional payroll speaks volumes. People don't like it when you stop the bankrolling in any way ...esp the severing of emotional ties.
The most authentic relationship I ever hope to have is one where no legal tender is exchanged.
We won't even mention the three animal spirits that are no longer in my life--- so much loss at once. And we won't mention missing inventory, checks and perhaps cash in my business. People stealing my things and my time...
So I have uncovered theft, dishonesty, betrayal, slander and more.... common denominators as well. So much more than I ever could have imagined.
And everyday brings a new uncovery and discovery ....... and if I had an emotional bank account left - it too has been depleted.. I would be very very sad. Yet emotions are a luxury item now that don't often get spent. ...Its funny because I recently shared time with someone who went through a divorce, theft and a significant other in a coma that went back to her ex.....
I gave him a souviner of something that day ... joking " save it for sentimental value" and he said - I'm not that much of a sentimalist anymore - I laughed - neither am I. I find sentiment to be a very wasteful emotion. I know from my level 5 - sentiment does not keep you in the moment. Is the alternative to develop " disassociative personality disorder" ? Ask me in a few months......
So i get to sit in whatever the day brings- and ask the Universe why it turned my chaotic yet otherwise pretty ordered life upsidedown ? and continues to. Although I feel like the storm is calming.
My ex - fiance who I was with for 15 years ( and have known since I was 10 ) is back in my life helping me with some very challanging business, computer and theft reduction issues.... I have a good friend who has been through the fire himself and we connect on this and few levels that matter. I have a BFF and business partner who saves me from myself everyday. And I have my strength and fortitude that I have come to know on a much deeper and more intimate place. I see how easy it would be to check out, to sell out, to run away, to end up a news item ( too many pills, too much booze, departed too young) and I see how easy it has become to weather the storm, to perserve, to keep getting up - to Trust the the Universe is working in perfect order and while everything may not make sense today... it will - if I have the patience to get there.
And I do.
Here's to renewal, fresh starts, reinvention, discovery and letting go of the past.
B. Shaw
|
|
Posted by bethshaw on 2009-10-31 21:18:09 | Rating: | Views: 86
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 