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The Fathomability

you know what, im glad i have this medium to express what i am this moment, and im glad its existed for all my past moments
nothing spectacular happens to me
and i fear nothing ever will
i mean i heard this quote today and instead of making me feel happy it depressed me
"suffering brings beauty"
thats a sum of the quote...i think its better
why did it depress me?
because i think i've never suffered
really, i never have
ugh

let me check somthing really quick

let me say this
i love....LOVE... music
and well ive been listening/playing my soul out for the past few weeks
and theres one song that i want to describe me
not so much the lyrics...just the sound
it moves with the heartbeat
like a train wreck

but nothing has it freely accessable to you
buy the album i guess
Bryter Layter - Nick Drake
Hazy Jane II
hehehehhehe
that is my music

i fear ive lost my musicianable word
i cant help myself from backing away from the computer
it may be the beer
but i know its not
because thats not it
ive given into the social conformity
ive become everyone else
no one is different
my legs take me everywhere youve been
and i hate myself for it

i once saw the world as clean and pure
now its cluttered with our filth
our death
has it always been this way?!?!
fuck, i dont care anymore
my death is the life of my personality
i always wanted to write something beautiful
but through my life ive found that all thats beautiful
soon slips away
what a cliche
to say everythings unreal
the despare of the intelligent
is the fruit of the ignorant
and im inbetween
unseen by the mirror
you lay your lines on
and at the same time delay me
if not for the horse-shoed life you live
i be a seahorse
i dont know where thanks are needed
and forgivness ends
me the solid ghost

whos in the race
when pace fatigues us
where all the counterfits
please us
and mime their way into our grief
and sleep is given you

are your shoes unworn?
your shirts scream untorn?
born of a man youll fight for
for nothing but food

god how the world burns
for every worm it churns decay to dirt

maybe its my apathy for politics, news, and everything else
thats bringing me to my skeleton
maybe its life
i hope not
i pray to stop living just for a moment
to see myself from deaths eyes

where is my reasonability?