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dear friend,
i think ive about made the decision
yeah, the one that ive been thinking about for ages it seems
nothing will ever defunk this fuckin ride
its not to give up
but to begin anew
school.....hah
its drained my every ounce of soul
maybe its just the moment im in
so much bullshit i have to put up with...
god i just want to kill someone
rip their fucking eyes out
and smash their skull
jesus
i hate all this work
all this stress
and for what?!
not a goddamn thing
i could die tomarrow
i could live tomarrow
and itll all be so infinatly insignificant
HOW DO YOU LIVE?!??!
knowing that your life is so....fucking worthless
everything you do, is pointless
your children will grow to despise you as you hate yourself
the world will never know you
your thoughts are everyones thoughts
your not unique
your a goddamn windup toy
99 cents at mcdonalds
your cheap plastic, who melts in the sun
what keeps you going?!
how can you live with yourself everyday?
is it the alchohol? the drugs? the tv?
are these the things you use to forget yourself?!??!
i cant
these things bring me closer to myself
booze...just makes me sad
drugs...i see myself for who i am
tv.........god i think too much when its on
do you?!
jesus, if you do
lets just fucking quit this society
go rampaging through the west
robbing stores, bonnie and clyde style
in the sun
with our shades on
and a lit cigarette always on our lips
speeding around in an old grungy car.
this life i live is not life
School!?!!?
that IS NOT life
college is not the "time to party, before real life starts"
college is the place where you begin to plan to die
and i learned that
and i dont want to
because im not suicidal
though i think it
often
im not that birdy
i just want this school semester to be over
god how school makes me depressed
3 years down
and im bout to quit
i hate all my classes
fucking psychology: learns to think the way that everyone else does!
Biology: learn useless information, from a teacher whos fucking........UGH
english 1:......pointless in too many words
english 2: i love
anthropology: lucky its once a week
lab: bullllllllshit
then theres work
Subway: feed the fattest, laziest, fuckers on the fucking planet
"get me the BIGGEST sub you got!"
"lose some weight first fatso, suck ice"
"how dare you!"
"fuck you cocksucker! what the fuck are you gonna do? eat me?!"
"ill call the manager"
"guess who that is!"
"ill never shop here again!"
"i wont let you shop here again diabetic fuck"
on a side note
if you have diabetes, or are in knowing of those who have it
i dont apologize
its your fault
theres no sympathy for your eating habits
your not naturally fat...you just had a terrible mother
i would say sorry, but i dont care
come find me
hah!
i despise money
and everyone, even me, that uses it
for things they dont NEED
food, water, shelter, etc.
TV! CAR! GOLDEN TOILET SEAT COVER!!
such a waste of life
you dont know my hatred for such things
brings my brain to boiling
A test tomarrow! hurray!
i give up
school is not for me
3 years of my life
of depression
of hatred
but
of enlightenment
though
is that a result of school?
some yes
most....no
school gave me the option
i gave myself the will
tests......papers......projects
fuckin.....stupid.......bullshit
who the fuck is anyone to ever test my knowledge
i know what i want to know
let me learn more of it
i like the options
the different areas
but to choose just one!
thats stupid
i want to be....a scholar
just know a bunch about everything
i hope terrorists come here
and blow up everything
and release terrible diseases
yes
then we'll have something to do
right now
we got nothing
and what happens when people do nothing?
somethin stupid happens
ugh
i want crazy people to destroy things
so i feel comfortable somewhere
because right now
im on a carasel
but all goes clear
this is it
its taken 3....3....3 goddamn miserable years to realize
I dont want to be here
1 more year....ill be dead
by my own hands
i know it
i goddamn KNOW it
dreaded school has done somthing
made me FEAR the future
"JOBS!!! RETIREMENT!!!! AHHHH!"
i can work a shit job
i smoke...so i hope to die off sooner than retirement
i wont have children, by choice
i just want to write
write and write and write
and fuckin a
you ever make big decisions?
i never have
nope
never
going to college was just...the next obvious step
working is a must
moving around is instinct
but this
droppin out
feels good
like i shoulda done it forever
we will see in the morning
but write now
just for me
i need to say why it is i shouldnt stay
1. i hate it...as much as i love it
2. its bullshit...but teaches me a lot
3. depression
4. suicide
5. no one understands me there...well a few do
6. college educated people are snobby
7. taking english may ruin me
8. i need a job
9. what job does an english major do?
10. i dont want to teach
11. this path may not be my own
that last one strikes me deep
core-style
i will finish the year
to help the ones i love at school
to help the groups im in
but....i just AINT happy
and never will be there
im that person..you know
the one that gets A's regardless
my sister, my brother study all day..all night
for every class
i....beat around, hang out, drink, wallow
and get A's
ive had a few drinks
never looked at my psychology book....Dont even have it
and i will get an A tomarrow
and i hate that
i dont belong there
i could be anything
i get A's in every class
well....that is if i do the work
which i do
but very late-notice style
But what will i DO!??! oooo no!!
thats the worst thing anyone has ever told me
"what are you going to do when you grow up?!"
thats worse than the santa claus not real thing
because its a fear
one thats very suttle
but very real
im not meant for school
i was never
i hated it
it killed me
so welcome me friend, because im going to real life...hehehehehehehehehehehe
Your dearest friend,
Ben
(brought to you by Sutter Home) |
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Posted by benventure on 2008-04-18 01:59:19 | Rating: | Views: 62
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