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Sunday January 27 11:02 PM EST
What is love? Why do some seem to be so lucky in it and others are pushed aside and forgotten? What is it about human beings that we can love some, but not love others?
I've just begun to think about this thing over the past couple of days. My story gets complicated.. I'll try and start from the begining.
My senior year of high school I was in AP History and there was this kid named "Roger*" I talked to Roger* every once in awhile, but we were'nt really friends. All that changed toward the end of the year. We began to talk more and we started to hang out, it was oddly weird the connection we had between us.
Now Roger*, had a girlfriend. I don't know why, but Roger* and I got really close. I could honestly 100% be myself around him. I could tell him anything and he was always there for me, the perfect guy. But, he wasn't mine. He had a girlfriend.
We kept on talking and honestly, he's one of my best friends. The entire summer, we flirted so much and we have so much sexual tension it's crazy, but the closest thing to sex we've ever done is arms around each other to keep the other one warm. Roger would never cheat on a girlfriend, he's not that kind of a guy.
He went to school in Ohio, his girlfriend and him broke up and we still talk to each other everyday. I care about him so much, it scares me. I don't know if I'm in love with him though. Can you honestly be in love with someone you've never dated? Is it possible to love someone that dosen't love you back? I don't know what love is, but it sure feels like it.
I think my "love" for Roger is keeping me from opening up to other guys.. I know it, but I can't stop it. I don't think Roger and I will ever date. (That's a story for another day why I possibly screwed that one up) But he's always stuck in my head. Do I tell him? Do I stop talking to him? I dont know..
I don't want to wait forever for him. I want to be happy and to let myself fall in love..but what is it? What is love? Until next time....
Girl X
Believe in yourself.. always
PS: * Name changed to protect the amazing... annnd if you want to know any more details. just leave a comment I'll probably respond to it.
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Posted by benne1ej on 2008-01-27 23:13:20 | Rating: | Views: 149
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You could be in love with someone you've never dated. That's not impossible, and it happens all the time.
If you feel this strongly, all I can say is follow your heart. If I was you, I would tell him. I wouldn't want to look back and ask "what if?" If you get rejected, you can get over that. But if you don't say anything, you'll never get past the what if's. I don't know what you could have done to screwed anything up, but I still say go for it. Plus, if you feel tension, then it's there. He most likely feels something too. And if he doesn't, at least you'll know if you talk to him about it. Either way, you'll get the closure you need to either move on or be with him.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Posted by scarface
on 2008-01-27 23:21:39
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I've always been told to follow my heart, but everytime I do I always get rejected I'm just scared.. Scared I'm going to lose him as a friend you know? I don't want him out of my life, he's my support system. The "what if" factor... that's really making me think now
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Posted by benne1ej
on 2008-01-27 23:24:41
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Everything happens for a reason and what's meant to be will be. You're about the fifth person I've said that to. But it's true. I understand you're scared, everybody is when it comes to love and facing what might be rejection. But, also think, if he really is your friend but doesn't see you as more than that and you tell him how you feel, he'll still be your friend. That is, if he is a true friend. He wouldn't want to lose that either.
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Posted by scarface
on 2008-01-27 23:35:36
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When I read about your habit of picking out make-out buddies at parties...I sort of lost my faith in you as a hero. If you find yourself having trouble understanding feelings that COULD be of love...perhaps you could reflect on your impulsive actions. How can you tell infatuation from love? How can you be serious with someone after a fly-by-night party kisser lifestyle? Maybe you feel Roger is too good for you based on something like this. For all we know, you could do more damage to him by being the big flirt/impulse than you would do to yourself. And, though many profess the potential for friendships with the opposite sex, unless you are a full fledged tomboy who hangs with the boys, it seems that is impossible without romantic/sexual impulses. Eh, what do I care anyway? Just my two cents.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-01-28 02:39:37
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Did I claim to go out on a regular basis and make-out with random strangers? I'm pretty sure I don't make a habit of it. I'm not a flirt, I just often close myself to relationships, I'm way too stubborn. The reason I'm scared to tell Roger how I feel is because he goes to a different school, not because I think he's too good for me.
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Posted by benne1ej
on 2008-01-28 12:13:55
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Do I NEEEED to cut and paste a large portion of yer Kissing post? Or am I just reading things wrong? Cuz it sure sounded like you are an "expert"(at least on makeout sessions). Sorry if I "prude".
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-01-30 00:14:11
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Because I consider myself a good kisser that automatically makes me go around kissing random strangers? I wrote what people do, scope out parties to find people to kiss, wake up it's a reality and it happens. I've kissed alot of people in my life, and I've known them all.
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Posted by benne1ej
on 2008-01-30 11:12:50
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geez. idk what brainstomer read.. but i know what college kids do also and they scope people out just like you said girl x and im exactly like you. I close myself to relationship beccause even if it has a good streak i always end up getting hurt no matter what. I think you may be in love with him I was in love with my best friend for almost three years. You can love someone you havent dated. I mean why do you have to date someone just to love them? I loved my best friend because he was my support system as like you. I mean he was the only person i actually trusted with my heart. I say go for it and tell roger because if you dont then you will never know what could have been. I mean the worst thing tha could happen is he could say you know what im just your friend. but if you guys have been friends for that long and you guys are as good as friends as i was then youll just move past it and continue being friends. its better to know what comes out of it then to keep wondering. when i have hard desicions i focus on the good thiings that might happen outta it. Like what happens if you tell him andhe feels the same way?? you never know.. go for it =]
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Posted by gonga
on 2008-02-07 03:27:22
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