Dear Friend,

I think I still miss you. I know I still miss you. I think about you every single day, it's been kind of hard to forget you.. You've been on my mind non-stop for the past 22 months. And now, everyone expects me to just move on without you, even you. I'm sorry .. I can't do this. I still love you. I still want to be with you. Through every harsh word you have said to me, through everytime you have hung up on me - more than once in a row, i still want you. I still need you. Please talk to me, I can't stand seeing you hang outside at school and not even wanting to say hi to me. I can't stand seeing you and not being able to go up to you because you just walk away from me.

Why say that we can still be friends, why say that you'll always be here for me as a friend if you treat me this way? You say to leave the past in the past and that nothing will ever be like how it was before, but do you really have to treat me like I don't matter? You say that you like me but at the same time you don't, that you thought we could have always had something but not anymore. I'm crushed. I'm still crying every night. I'm still waiting for you to call me once again, like how you would always call me and we'd fall asleep on the phone together.

You don't understand how much you mean to me, it's still so hard waking up in the morning knowing that you won't be here for me. It's still so hard falling asleep because there's no one to say "i love you" before i go to bed, because there's no one to call me anymore. It's still so hard sleeping because not one day has gone by that i haven't dreamt of you. Either you run away from me, or I just lose connection with you in my dream. You never even meant those three small words, yet i tricked myself into believing that you did.

I don't even know what i'm trying to get at here. Only that, I miss you. And I still want to hear your voice, I still want everything that you jokingly said we could have. Marriage, a house, a family, a life together. Who am i to think that any of this was real at my age? Yet i fantasized greatly, just about being with you and wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. I made up my mind so long ago, and i'm trying so hard to get through this. It sucks because, who can i turn to? I turned to you in my times of need and now i feel like i'm left alone. No matter how many friends say they are there for me, no matter how much i try to convince myself that i'll be okay without you, I still want you to hold me, to hug me and to say you love me.

Please just come back..

Sincerely,
Me.