Must I get a job in order to marry my fiancee? Part 1 (of 4): Event and feelings. Limiting thoughts challenged by values.

Please note: names have been changed for reasons of confidentiality.

At the marriage preparation course with Sharon a few days ago at the Baptist church, Janis, the leader, said that Christ divulges authority in the marriage to the husband (in decisions) however that it is only exercised after all angles have been considered by him. She also said that I am responsible for Sharon as my wife when we are married. I was happy with these crystal clear statements and Sharon was happy with them too. Then the automatic thoughts started and I sought to uncover their root…

This might be the cue to be told that I will have to get a job or the marriage will not go ahead.

Then, my head, seemed like my brain, locked tight.

I am being manipulated into getting a job. I am being used for someone else’s purposes. If someone forces me to do something then they are abusing me. I value being free to chose what I want to do when I want to do it. I value independence…

You have to do what you don’t want to do to have what you do want. You have to work as a slave to be free. I have to get a job or I cannot be married to Sharon.

Is this true?

…I am the Lord your God who brought you out of slavery in Egypt. You shall have no other gods but me. You shall worship the Lord your God and Him alone shall you serve.

It is God’s will whether Sharon and I are married or not. Conditions are man made.

If we all referred our decisions to God we wouldn’t have to be burdened with one another’s opinions through the effect/consequences of conflict between these. Although there would be errors in discernment of what God is saying this is a better bias than trusting man’s opinions because man is likely to err in his opinion, whereas God, conversely can be trusted fully. And God gives us access to Himself through Jesus Christ His Son. This is Good News !!!!! because God wants only what it is good for us.

Rigid adherence to man as breadwinner and woman as the home maker would set accordingly a condition that for man and woman to be permanently ‘together’ they would have to be tethered to these roles.

If this were universally applied men and women’s lives would be isolated (non communicative) as their individual roles would determine the majority of their conversation.

Men would live a sizeable proportion of their lives outside their home and likewise women a sizeable proportion of their lives inside their home, not seeing daylight or one another much –some marriage!

There is far more to life than breadwinning and homemaking. If people were narrowly categorized and constrained in this way then it would be as good as slavery and each person’s needs for well being and as a whole person in society and community would be repressed. I feel that this would be seriously depressing to all. In fact I feel that this is reflected in society today and that is why there is little attraction to churches that teach this way of life and hence a downer on church attendance – no matter what ‘statistics’ say.