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Istheresomethingseriouslywrongwithmeorright?

I woke up in bed this morning with every thought that crossed my mind coloured with worry and I felt flat.

I battled with this negative frame of mind and then I felt good or at least better than I was.

Then suddenly, I felt physically ill, diseased and infected from the top of my head to the bottom of my stomach, particularly my gums and stomach.

The thought “there is something seriously wrong with me” came to mind.

Then I remembered staying off of primary school feeling ill, and times of stomach upset. I think that these were due to emotional upsets during that same time in my life.

These thoughts came: You are worthless. Dad didn't come and watch you play football when you needed him. He didn't love you.

Is it true that 'if someone doesn't do what you need them to do for you, when you need them to do it, means that you are worthless?

The 'You are' is an absolute and is at the least a prejudical sign and what follows is not at all true unless they proceed from the heart of God, and God is thoroughly not prejudiced but is forgiving from His heart of Love. If I were worthless to God, then He would not Love me.

If we all believed this, respect for one another would follow naturally because He who is perfect and good choses to Love us regardless of what we think of ourselves.

Rejoice therefore, because God Loves you. I know that I am worth His Love and so are you, and His Love is valueable beyond measure.

Jesus taught us to give and not to count the cost. When someone doesn't give what you need when you need it they demonstrate that the personal cost to them of meeting your need when you need it to be met is too much for them showing, perhaps, that they value something else more, unless they are incapable of doing what you ask them to do, or if by not doing what you need them to do when you need them to do it, is because they are working on something that will eventually help meet a more important need in you, a higher need, then their initial neglect of you would actually be evidence of a greater love for you!

The question that emerges from this thinking is this: Is your initial need a true need, or is it a fact that if it is met immediately it would be an unhealthy substitute for a real need that would then be covered over, repressed out of sight and which would come out towards another as resentment/envy who has the same (real) need met at another time?

If all people thought like this then superficial false judgements of why people do what they do towards meeting the needs of others would be avoided, and this would decrease the tension casued by related confusion in relationships and would promote, therefore, a more relaxed way of relating to one another.

...If Jesus hadn't have intervened (1992) in my train of thought that was heading towards suicide, then I would have not known, in this life, that I am valuable to Him. Thank you Jesus.

I know of no evidence supporting the idea that someone not doing something for you, when you need them to, means that you are worthless.

I want to know constantly that I am valuable to God.

I don't want irrational thoughts to dominate-dictating how I feel about myself.

The worst thing that could happen to me is that I lose contact with the truth that I am valuable to God.

Yet, good things might occur if I do lose contact with the truth that I am valueable to God, by waiting to receive this knowledge, if I instead realise the truth of Jesus' words through action, thoughtfulness, conversation or speech, that 'it is better to give than to receive, because someone speaking in the spirit of St Francis has put it: 'it is in giving that we receive' and then the words after this suggest to me that the reward is not just after this life that 'it is in dying that we are born to eternal life' but that we can know at least something of eternal life (paradise/Joy/True Love) here and now by giving selflessly.

Lord God, I trust you to remove all influences against me doing what you want me to do, and to help me to live out your meaning in the words 'give and do not count the cost' and 'it is better to give than to receive. These things I ask in Jesus name. Amen.

How could I know constantly that I am valuable to God?...

We are all valueable to God. Help us Lord God to know this constantly.

Love one another as I have Loved you. Therefore give this in word and deed. In other words: preach Love in word and deed. Centre on God and be charitable to all without exception...It is said that 'God never wastes a hurt'.

On the 'management of your emotions' course which I attended recently it was pointed out to me that the goals that I produced were general but they need to be specific and tangible (something that can be felt through the senses: sight/sound/ taste/smell/touch).

I had a picture come to mind that I believe would help me to develop action plans that would have me, when put into action, being charitable to people.

The table below shows what I mean.

                              Direct                                                    Indirect

Spiritual               Preaching the Love that                    Praying (talking to and listening to God)
                               is of God.

Mental                  Thoughts.com posts                        One to one listening to people

Relational            Doing whatever touching or
                              saying affirming words to others
                              that comes to mind by image or
                               whatever (Only if it agrees with
                              my conscience)

Practical              Helping someone from a hostel          Musical and song performance
                              to do what they need to do                    Song writing

                               Caring for my wife and children

What would your table look like?