Names of individuals changed to protect innocence.

After doing the following exercise I feel content about who I am, challenged to evaluate both what I and others say and do and to listen to their evaluations of what I say and do. This is in the hope that we will grow in the knowledge and understanding of truth. With this we will be encouraged through a desire to love, because growing in knowledge and love moves us along the path to ultimate freedom.

I was at the lent group last night 7.15 to 9pm.

It feels like there is opposition to my way of life from George and Patsy. I’m both sad and angry.

I think several things. They are conspiring against me because they do not respect me because I do not have a job. Though it is true that I do have mental health problems they want to put me wholly categorically in this box to suggest to others that I have nothing worth contributing to church and society, especially in thought and speech. I do reveal my thoughts to them which has an element of Franciscan teaching in it because I am a Franciscan tertiary. I have a hunch that this threatens their Thomist way of thinking which seems to be centred upon cerebral activity. Whereas the Franciscan way takes in the thoughts of our heart, mind, emotion and body to influence our way of being and thinking.

Am I opposed by George and Patsy because my way of being threatens their cerebral categorical way of thinking?

Are people afraid by the way that I challenge them?

Can I not cope with being different to others?

Can I not be myself?

I will now explore what is going on inside me in response to my thought “I cannot be myself”.

You are what you are before God, no more and no less (St Francis of Assisi). I am something made by God, therefore it is best to be my true self in His eyes. God respects me as I am, therefore there is no need to worry about what others think about me.

If all people thought like this we wouldn’t put up barriers to communication between us. We would share openly with one another without fear of disapproval. We would trust one another. Peace would reign, war would cease.

Certain Buddhist and Hindu systems of thought, I believe, seek to dissolve the ‘I’ in the infinite. If all people did this the outcome could be peace because people would not feel threatened by one another because differences would be dissolved in the infinite. We would accept that we are united with the whole, i.e. all is one.

However, I am making absolute statements here. The validity of these need exploration to discover truths and untruths in what I am saying…

I believe that I am accepted as I am in the Third Order. However, in this it is implied that there is growth towards realizing the ’as I am’ and the ideal which is unity with Christ, through practicing the services of prayer, study and work as defined by and in the context of the Third Order principles (web addresses at the foot of my profile). Through dedication to realizing these principles in our lives we are in a constant process of becoming who we are and this provides the motivation to do these things because it is exciting to reveal truth through change.

My inner critic challenges my thoughts with absolute statements like “You are rubbish”. This presents me with the task of evaluating absolute statements like this to find appropriate knowledge that is Balanced and realistic and not categorical/absolute. All things work together for the good who love to search for, find and reveal truth.

I want to reveal truth in my local church through balancing inward convictions of faith and practical need with outward action and or speech. Opposition to what I say and do is good if viewed positively. Through evaluation of what others say or do and their motivating reasons it is possible to find knowledge that is realistic and not categorical/absolute.

I don’t want my views which represent who I am now to be ignored and not evaluated both by others and by myself because evaluation works for revealing the truth of who we are and presents a challenge to grow towards becoming more like Christ who is the ultimate truth.

If I do not keep my rule of life at my local church then I will not be doing my part towards encouraging our growth towards realizing who we are, though this will only happen fully after our death. We see God now as in a mirror only dimly, but then we shall see Him as He is…and we shall be like Him.

If I leave my local church to go to another I may be able to work for my and their growth in to the person of Christ, especially if they are not closed to my revealing my views about myself and other things, because these provoke evaluation which is truth unfolding to everyone.

I could work towards meeting needs in the situation. LORD God, I trust you to remove all influences against me doing what you want me to do here. My part is to consider doing the following and doing what I believe through thought, reflection and prayer is best in the situation and not the worst:

Intellectually, I could read a book or summary about a Buddhist evaluation of Christianity and one about a Hindu evaluation of Christianity. Then evaluate my thoughts about these then share my views with others and listen to their response because these will provoke growth of understanding of these things in me and them and so we will gain understanding of these things if I share myself with others. ‘Better to understand than to be understood’ say words of a hymn in the Franciscan spirit. I think that what I am suggesting is in or at least towards meeting with this spirit. Better still, for the same ends, meet practicing Buddhist and Hindus and share thoughts, break down barriers with love for the sake of Love.

Emotionally, I could meditate upon: ‘It doesn’t matter whether people praise or denigrate me, because it is what I am in the God’s eyes that matters, I am this, no more and no less.’ Therefore ‘balance inward convictions of faith and practical need with outward action and or speech because this provokes unfolding knowledge of truth through evaluation of what is done and or said, and this unfolding knowledge of truth will move me/us further along the path to ultimate freedom in God. You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.

In terms of practical needs, I could: Do decision making exercises about which church to work with mostly and others to keep in touch with for the sake of growth in Christian unity. These exercises involve visiting the churches and seeking to understand how I might support and be supported there and how I may challenge and be challenged by them to grow.

I could pray meditatively upon:

LORD God, please lead me to understand truth in both Buddhism and Hinduism. Amen

LORD God, please tell me what I am in your eyes. Amen

LORD God, please guide us in our work for Christian unity. Amen

LORD God, please guide us in our work to reconcile the world to your self. Amen

I am not the great I AM but by the grace of God I am what I am.

I am not perfect, but I know and love someone who is – the LORD Jesus Christ.

You are free to think, say and do as you wish, may this be the best for yourself and others.

The ultimate truth bless you!