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Sitting in Court....

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It is Max writing, and recently Clark and I were invited to a group that Men Stopping Violence host at the courthouse in Dekalb County every two weeks, on Friday. It is a court ordered class for domestic violent offenders, and it was an eye opening experience for someone advocating against domestic violence.

It was raw.

First I was late for the class as I was stuck in traffic. Once I arrived at the the courthouse and asked the officer where the class was, he gave me the up and down glare, before sneering a "I don't think they will let you in."

Even though I was only 5 minutes late, the doors were locked, but one of the gentleman from Men Stopping Violence let me in. (He told me later that they lock the classroom and start on time to teach these men responsibility, once its 2pm they lock the doors and don't let anyone in).

I had to sit at the back of the class because all of the seats were already filled.

The class was filled with men aged from 18-60 something.

The ground rules were explained. We were to only talk if called on. We would only receive credit for being in the class by participating.

Once the class had begun we watched a short clip from the movie What's Love Got to Do With It and then asked what our thoughts/feelings we were.

And the floor opened.

It was amazing the things that I heard, even as a man that has been all over, and hung with all different types of people.

One man talked about how he beats his wife and it feels "like a drug". That he feels bad for a little bit, but then he is right back at it.

Another man discussed how he felt he has the 'right' to beat his child's mom, as he is out there working hard and paying the bills.

The testimonies weren't as shocking because of what had happened, but the way the men responded to what had happened.

There was almost no accountability. Men talked about how they were 'provoked', and they just reacted, but still no accountability.

When asked by a show of hands, who feels like they shouldn't be in here, the majority of the men raised their hands.

As I was sitting in the back, there were a lot of side comments about the men conducting the group. They were called 'fags', and 'bitches'.

One man discussed about his thought process before he lays his hand on his girl and he said 'Man this bitch better get outta my face before I uppercut her ass' and class roared with laughter.

I was speechless.

All I heard left me feeling drained, emotionally and mentally. As I left the 3 and a half hour class, I walked through downtown Decatur wondering, how could I ever reach these men? Is 'Band Together' a irrelevant initiative? Are all these attempts to stop domestic violence useless? How can we even attempt to change the world, is the world worth changing?

I couldn't answer any of these questions.

The rain just poured over me.

Posted by band2g on 2009-10-27 23:26:26 | Rating: