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I never thought i would be able live without someone by my side, yet not want them near me! It is harder everyday to wake up and face the world that knows you, the faces I met when I was on your side, but now I face them alone, well with him now... I like him, but your scar still lies with me and I try harder and harder every day to prove to myself and others I dont need you or who we were...
We better off this way...
I sometimes wish that it was different, that I could stay who I was, that I didn't have to change to someone I never was, maybe that would of saved us..
I cry myself to sleep some nights becuase of the people who make my life harder, make me want to literally die. I hate it, i wake up in the mornings, do my make up and make myself look pretty because I strive on perfection and I have to have everything right.
Perfection is probably just as bad as a disorder, which I probabaly have too... I am a softy and cry for everything, Iv built myself up in the years but its hard, I hate fighting tears and being the one people hate, I worry what people think of me! I HATE TWO FACED PEOPLE. I unfor have to lve with that at college and work and friends.
I have never been so down lately and when I get down it sucks everything falls down and I pull evrything with me! How can someone say they are your friends and talk about you, how can your father say he is a father yet not talk to you and why is it that the only person making some sense in my life is a guy who bearly knows me!
I feel like if I fail I not only fail myself but everyone in my life. I hate the thought of that. Im scared nothing turns out how it should and how I want it. I want a house, my house, I want a car, my car, and somewhere in my little mind I want a family that sticks together and doesn't fall from under my nose!
I want to feel safe for once, the going and coming doesn't help me. I want, wow I sound really ungrateful now, but Iv had it hard, Im always the rock, never breaks until I feel like a ten ton truck hits me.
Im learning that life only gives you what you can handle and nothing more, but I think sometimes life is a bit unfair and gives me more than I need. And the thought of not being in love or needed scares me, I dont want to fail so everyone can laugh or say I TOLD YOU SO!
I have fallen a couple of times but I get up and stand tall, dust myself off and start all over! |
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Posted by babz_03 on 2008-04-17 04:16:03 | Rating: | Views: 29
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