It has been a while, but  I guess I have something to write about or think about.  A couple of weeks ago I went to my friends birthday where she finally turned twenty one.  Man it's awesome watching someone grow and it does make you feel really old too.  Not that I am old, but I am getting closer to thirty. 
   Anyway, at this party all of our friends were there inculding our close network of friends.  At this party was one of her old sister friends whom happens to be black or African American. Anyway, He and I started talking and having fun like we always do, but then he proceeded to tell me that he liked me and if there was a chance of us getting into a relationship.  I was initially shocked because I didn't think that he was at all interested.  I ended up not answering the question I just darted around it saying that currently I am not in chicago because I am pursuing a degree. 
   Anyway,  it got me into thinking about interracial relationships and the hardships that present themselves.  First, I would like to state that I have no problem with interracial relationship nor do I have anything against any race. These are just my thoughts about my preception of things so I do hope I do not offend anyone.  Well, so it got me into thinking about Him and I in a relationship which I will be honest I have no idea if I would have a problem with the relationship itself or the looks or stares.  I have dated people outside of my race but I have never dated a black man before. To be honest I would like to and He seems like a wonderful man. However, I don't think that the people who are important in my life would accept that notion. I don't want to be in a relationship where you feel like you have be on guard or that you have to defend it some way.  This can be a form of stereotyping and could also be racial but I have been apporached by black men before. I have been told that I am beautiful but I don't know if they are being truthful.  I sometimes get the feeling that some black men talk to me because they beleive I may have  self esteem issues and that I can be an easy catch. See, I am chubby and festivally plump so I could be giving off some sort of vibe or it can be in my mind. I guess I am wondering do some black men prefer white women? Why is it more acceptable for hispanics to date white people then it is for blacks to date white people?
  See, I asked myself what if I was apporached by someone of my own race would I still expreience the same thoughts. I have to be honest it is more 50/50 depends on the type of man.  However, I would still get the same thoughts yet they would surface as quickly. On the other hand, things do change becuase if it was an attractive man then those thoughts don't surface, they can exist somewere but for the most part they don't pop up so to speak.   Then I can ask myself the is there different worth in an average person's compliment vs an attractive persons compliment?
   Overall, I know that in large or small forms everyone stereotypes and has some forms of racism on their minds.  It does exist, it doesn't mean that we are racist (the ultimate hatrd) but that we're surrounded by negative and positive forms of influence.  Therefore, are my thoughts a product of negative influence that exist in my mind despite the fact that I respect and treat everyone as a person?  Or are all my thoughts just forms of stereotyping that is hard to break free from?  Are we still color blind in this country or  do we still base it soully on black vs white? Are things different or do interracial couples still have a hard time simply just being with each other?