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Not so politically correct but whatever, it's what I am!
I hit the wrong button and deleted one of my blogs and it makes me sad! :( I had some good comments on there from some interesting people and I meant to get back to them on what they'd said to me...
I've just recently found out I'm going to be a mom, and it scares me shitless, tearless and 100% completely speechless. If you knew me then you'd know that's pretty hard to do!
To anyone that reads this I was looking for advice. When you had babies, did you feel terrified at first? Did you fear that you'd suck at it, that the baby wouldn't love you or that your husband/boyfriend or partner wouldn't love you as much if you didn't get back to the shape you were in before you got pregnant? (I do know my hubby isn't that shallow but still, it's a worry.)
It's normal to be absolutely terrified, right?
I know it's going to be okay...I repeat this to myself: "It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's natural to have a parasitic being inside of you or nine months. Things WILL return to normal." HA! I called my baby a parasite! Well, it's a joke between me and mom really, she makes fun of me and calls the Bean a 'parasite.' It kinda makes me smile the way she says it. |
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Posted by asteffey07 on 2007-07-10 16:14:46 | Rating: | Views: 168
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Don't worry, everything is going to be okay! Goodness, if I got through it, I'm sure you can too.
The roller-coaster of emotions and feelings you're going through is completely normal. Your body is going through waves upon waves of hormonal changes right now. My body can't handle hormonal changes; I just go crazy every month (it was PMS before, but I think what I really have was PMDD). During my pregnancy, it got so bad that I had to quit work: I had no energy to get out of bed, I got really depressed, and I just had a general feeling of malaise.
The good news is, the sicker I got, the healthier my baby got (so yeah, having a "parasitic being inside of you for nine months" is a very accurate view).
I was so paranoid that the baby would have some kind of defect (stupid depressive brain!) that I quit drinking Coca-Cola cold turkey (might explain why I lost all the energy I used to have; was on a 2-can/day regimen while I was working) and refused to eat any kind of fish for fear of mercury poisoning.
I was terrified that I was going to be a terrible mom (my mom wasn't a nurturing woman, so I was so scared that I'd be just like her and doom my child to a lifetime of depression like I'm living now). With my low energy, I just knew that I can't be the supermom that I read about in Parents or Redbook (I stopped reading those magazines because I just got so depressed to have my inadequacies highlighted with every flip of each glossy page).
As for your body getting back in shape, I made the mistake of not being active during my pregnancy (it's hard to think about working out or even walking when all I had energy for was dragging myself from the bed to the potty), and it took me 5-6 years to lose the weight and to start feeling good about my body again (not there yet! the saggy boobs and the paunchy tummy don't spell h-o-t m-a-m-a). By that time, my ex-hubby (who wasn't shallow either and in fact was very patient) got tired of waiting, but oh well. But don't worry about your hubby. Goodness, as long as your sex drive is up (my libido went out the window after my baby was born --- turned out to be postpartem depression), you shouldn't worry about being desirable in his eyes. My ex-hubby always told me that he thought I was sexy and I didn't believe him because I didn't feel it --- gosh, I was flabby everywhere! But apparently he did, so my advice is that when your hubby says he finds you sexy, believe him.
You're lucky to have a great bond with your mom. I'm sure she'll have more useful advice than I can give you. To tell you the truth, I still can't remember half of my pregnancy --- I don't know if parts of it must've been too traumatic or if the 2 years of sleepless nights following the birth of the baby just fried my brain.
Oh, which reminds me of another mistake I made: I refused to receive help, either from the grandparents who offered to watch the baby so me and ex-hubby can have a night out, or friends and family who offered to stay over and vacuum or bring over food. I think it's because I didn't want to owe anybody favors (because with my low energy, I know I don't have any energy to spare beyond nurturing my baby). That was a big mistake. I'm just now realizing that when people offer to help and they're sincere, they don't really expect anything back. And with the soul-recharging effects of their help, I think I could've paid them back somehow. Oh well, lesson learned.
In the end, if I'm guaranteed to have the baby I got, I'd do it all over. She was born healthy (and on a most meaningful day --- the day my ex-hubby's parents (they're now divorced) got married). She developed normally and is now a very loving, very smart young girl with a very sophisticated sense of humor.
I just won't have another one.
Eeek! Sorry for the uber-long post! I'll be terse next time (if you hadn't blacklisted my talky butt).
I hope there's a way to get your lost post back. Today is my first day here, and I've already resonated with you and laughing_gas. It's a great community, so hopefully whoever left the comments you wanted to respond to would come back and comment some more to this post. Your blog is one of the very few blogs that actually feels authentic, so I'm sure whoever left the old comment would come back and check out your blog some more.
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Posted by ChrysalisToButterfly
on 2007-07-10 17:32:19
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Hey dont worry so much. I swear when you get pregnant you have pregnant brain. The sad part of this is I swear it never leaves. They just suck our intelligance right out of our head. How do you think when they are teenagers they know everything. It is normal to be scared I was 4 times but here I am. As for getting in shape do yoga or swim or something so it wont be that bad. It will be ok and once the baby arrives you will be in love more than you could ever dream about and then you will realize that you now know what unconditional love is.... Good luck honey.
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Posted by MissShnn6
on 2007-07-10 20:58:21
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I think it's totally normal... eventhough I haven't had a kid. I mean, just thinking about it. You have this little life growing inside of you that's going to change your world forever in less than 9 months. You're getting this huge belly that can double as a cup holder... and you sit there and can just remember the days when this none of this was even a thought.
It's a life change... but a beautiful one. Enjoy the phases of it. This is your ONLY first time... why not live it to the full? =)
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Posted by crate_expectations
on 2007-07-12 08:56:20
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Congrats! I have never been pregnant so I really can't comment on actual pregnancy. Just relax and take care of yourself. And thank you for the comments!
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Posted by AngieAki
on 2007-07-12 11:39:43
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I thought I was the only mother in the world who referred to her baby as "the symbiotic life-sucker", but "parasite" is right up there! The great news is, they never STOP sucking the life out of you! Mine's 11 and still going strong!
Don't worry... your fears are absolutely run-of-the-mill. If you didn't think about that stuff I'd think you abnormal! Good luck, m'dear!
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Posted by himaintenance
on 2007-08-13 23:51:58
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thanks...all of you!
i guess as things have progressed some of the fears have been quelled. i only gained one pound last time i went to the doctor so, yay for not getting fat!
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Posted by asteffey07
on 2007-08-16 09:17:56
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