How did I manage to spend four years in a relationship, yet feel like I have no experience dating? I wonder sometimes if I wasn't cheated out of necessary learning experiences because I only dated one person through out college. 

I'm young, and the guys I would date are young. I want to get married and have children. Not today. It probably won't happen a year from now. I could see myself getting married in a couple years at the earliest, assuming I meet someone who also want marriage. How do I tell if that certain someone could potentially turn out to be the marrying type? Is it just a matter of spending time with that person? Is it in keeping dating options open? I'm not much of a frequent dater, though not because I don't enjoy dates or meeting people. I just don't want to waste time on people who are not interested in the things I want from life. I think that my desires are completely legitimate, and I deserve someone who feels the same way. Every thing is way to new with Clark to entertain these notions yet, but I just wasted four years with a guy who led me on, patronizing me so that I wouldn't leave him. I'm not doing that again. If the next serious relationship makes it to two years with no discussion of living together or possible marriage, then I'm gone. 

I guess this last relationship is going to make it difficult for me to trust mens' intentions. Clark seems shy on those subjects, but like I said, it's too new. I couldn't expect him to be thinking about things that far ahead in the future...He is a man afterall. I just hope he's different than the last one. Hopefully smart enough to spot a good thing while he's got it. I can tell you right now that Bud will never find another woman like me. 

At the same time, I could see things becoming serious with Clark. If you look at our track record, we spent a semester together a YEAR ago. It was strictly class, no dating, no nothing, because I was with Bud. But I totally had a crush on him that I only divulged to another female classmate during the class. On graduation day, we sought out each other and sat together chatting throughout the ceremony. I took his phone number that day. We texted each other for a while. Then communication stopped. I couldn't go out and participate in the grad parties because of Bud. God, did I deprive myself so much because of his bitterness...So when I broke up with Bud for a week or so back in September/October, Clark and I started talking again. We even went out for coffee, but our meeting spooked something in me. I think I really felt something for him at the time, and for some reason, I ran right back to Bud (Clark doesn't know that bit, though my lack of phone calls was a sign, I'm sure). So  that brings us to almost a month ago now, when I broke things off with Bud. I never really stopped thinking of Clark in the last six months of my relationship to Bud. Then one night, very shortly after the break up, I texted Clark. And he replied. And we went out to what turned into dinner and movie and coffee and staying up way too late. And I really like him. He seems to have A LOT of female friends on Facebook. But I suppose I can't judge him on that, can I? I met his main crew, and not many are girls. I suppose they are the important ones, not the various users of Facebook. Afterall, I have a crap-load of male people on on my Myspace friends page, but they are either old friends or guys that tried to date me over internet (yuck). So until he does something stupid (if he does...) I can't hold his Facebook friends list against him.

He ran out at midnight to buy GTA at Wal-Mart, and texted me while waiting in line. He told me he wished I was in the "nerdline" with him. I thought that was sweet. I smile uncontrollably and shake the whole way home from his house on the evenings I drive up there. Part of it is the newness of things...I think the other part is comprised of amazement. After a year of intermittent communication, he still jumped at the chance to spend time with me.