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Last night, I was rolling around playing with Clark, you know, wrestling, tickling, being goofy (all good clean fun), and I have been thinking about when to tell him I loved him, but I'm not yet ready to tell him. I wanted to wait until I was certain he was certain. Well, he and I were teasing each other because my new glasses catch and pull out his hair if they come anywhere in the vicinity of his head. I told him he was going to go bald because of me, and he said that I wouldn't like him anymore if he was bald. So my big dumb mouth opens up and says:
"...I would love you even if you had no hair."
I realized it was coming out of my mouth and couldn't stop. I quickly cupped my hand to my mouth and apologized, and turned beet red. He laughed and said it was ok.
That's it.
He didn't say anything about it. He definitely didn't say it back. He got a little embarrassed. Then he quickly put Weezer on and then we did some not-so-clean-things. All that went well, but now I am feeling all weird. I stayed over, and here I am typing this on his computer...probably not the best of ideas, but I can't leave right now because he went to work and I don't have a key to lock up...
What do I do? Did I mess things up? Was it not a big deal? Am I making a big deal because he didn't say it back? Does he stil like me if he didn't say it back? I don't throw those words around in relationships. I've only said it to two other men: my first love of two years, and then my college boyfriend of four years(who I thought I was going to marry...you remember Bud).
I really do feel that way about him, but we haven't talked about it since I said it. He can tell I'm being weird, and I'm being weird because he didn't say anything.
Should I bring it up? Should I let it rest? His parents are coming up for a surprise visit this weekend, I think mostly to meet me...and now I'm all insecure...Blerg! I don't know what to do...I wish I was home so I could talk to my mom....I almost don't want to tell her...I don't think she'll like that he didn't say anything back. My mom is very big on love. So am I.
God, I hope I didn't just ruin everything.....Damn this incessant brain of mine!
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Posted by artfartpj on 2008-06-13 10:24:07 | Rating: | Views: 33
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BTW, I don't know if it sounds like it in the post, but the admission of love was NOT intentional. It just slipped right out, unexpected. I meant to say 'like', but I suppose inert feelings can be more powerful than the words you plan to say.
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Posted by artfartpj
on 2008-06-13 10:25:54
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I don't think you have anything to worry about. Its not like you just blurted "i love you" from the blue. there is a difference. Did you expect him to say "i'd love you too even if you went bald" Now that would have been clumsy. Stop beating yourself up about this. He's asked you to meet his mother- that's a big deal!
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-06-13 10:43:42
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This put the biggest smile on my face. I'm not very wise when it comes to my own love life, but lets just say I know things and am certain that your just making this into a tremedous deal for no reason. Stop being weird, just let it go for your own sanity.
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Posted by Hopelessresolve
on 2008-06-13 20:49:40
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