Kyler wasn’t what you classify as a nerd, or even weird. He looked, and acted like a normal teenager. How could he not have any friends? He was thin and tall, with light brown hair just covering his ears. He had big, bright brown eyes, a perfectly sized straight nose, and a straight mouth that curved up slightly at the sides. He had a wide smile, and straight white teeth. He sure made it hard for anyone to believe that he didn’t have any friends.
He looked to me and his eyes were swimming in sadness. They were dull and lifeless and not appearing as sharp as they usually did. I had so much to say to him, so much I wanted to tell him and so much I wanted to help him with. As much as I tried, no words came out. I stared at my brother, silently until I finally spoke the only word I could think of to summarize everything. “How?”
“How what?” he replied.
“How can you not have friends? I mean, how have you lived through 17 years of your life without friends?”
I tricked myself into believing I almost saw a tear form in Kyler’s eye.
“I guess,” he paused. “I never knew what it was like to have friends. I never knew what I was missing out on. But then, when I saw the way you guys looked at each other back there, I just kind of felt jealous I guess. I’m sorry for being such a jerk,”
I can’ believe he thought I’d hold on to the fact that he had been a jerk, when my older brother had basically just asked me for help. I thought I’d stick with the positive, instead of dreading on the negative.
“Well, think about it. We’re on our way to a brand new house, in a brand new city, with brand new people. Just think of how many friends you’ll find! Maybe even a girl,” I winked.
“I don’t even know how to make friends. I’m too shy.” He said as his cheeks started to heat up.
“You just have to not be afraid to let people in. you have to be willing to let people get to know you. The real you, not the you that hides behind video games.” I said, trying to sound wise. “I’ll help you, don’t worry. We’ll get through this together.”
“Don’t tell any of my new friends that you’re helping me,” he said, with a smirk.
I rolled down my window, and attempted to reach over to the controls to roll down the rest of the windows, but as I reached over I realized Kyler was already doing that. I hit the ‘Power’ to the radio, and cranked the volume up full blast. I sang all the words to every song that came on as I shook my head to the beat. Kyler looked over at me like I was a complete idiot, but I didn’t care.
Throughout the car ride Kyler loosened up a little bit, and eventually we actually started to have a little bit of fun. Who knew my older brother could be so cool? I was convinced it wouldn’t take him any time at all to make friends in Seattle, especially with my help. As we turned onto Hillier Street, Seattle butterflies began forming in my stomach. I felt both nervous and excited at the same time. As we pulled into the driveway of the house marked 493, I felt myself becoming unable to sit still. The car came to a stop and I immediately hopped out of the car and rushed to open the door to the house with the key mom had given us before we left the house back in New Jersey. I opened the door and stepped into my new house. I took a deep breath in. The air smelt like dust and wet wood. Kyler walked through the doorway behind me, and stood there for a few seconds. He walked past me and I followed him into the kitchen. It was big with stainless steel appliances and white countertops. I walked upstairs and stood at the end of a long hallway showing doors to seven different rooms. I walked down the hall choosing which room I wanted. I guess that’s an advantage of moving into a new house, and a new room. It’s a clean canvas to do whatever you want. I’ve always been a big believer in how much a room can give away about someone’s personality. I chose the third one on the right. I walked in and within seconds I knew it was the one. It was big and had a window on either ends facing the front. I suddenly couldn’t wait until the moving truck arrived. I sat myself down in the middle of the room, staring up at the ceiling. I leaned back touching my head to the ground, took in another deep breath and closed my eyes. An overwhelming feeling of relief took over my whole body. Maybe I wasn’t so different from my brother. Maybe I needed a new start too.
It took a while for reality to sink in. but I needed to look at this situation, this whole new chapter of my life with an open mind. I had been through a lot in my life already, and I was sure there would be more to come. I took one last deep breathe in, and stood up. I looked around me at my empty bedroom. I was surrounded by nothing but possibilities, and new opportunities. This was my chance to take charge of my life, and I knew I owed it to myself to give it the best effort I could.
I felt myself heating up. I walked over the window and opened it just a crack. I took off my tee-shirt being grateful that I had worn a tank top underneath. I put my arms above my head, reached up onto my tip-toes and stretched as tall as my body would let me, feeling my imagination rush suddenly through my body. I suddenly envisioned myself in my new room, on my new bed, with faceless friends I had yet to meet. And suddenly the thought struck me, lugging with it a feeling of fright. Not only was I going to be faced with new opportunities, but I was also going to be faced with new challenges. From experience, I knew that high school was not one of the most welcoming of places for a teenager. With high school, came multiple opportunities to fail. What if no one liked me? What if high school here was nothing like high school back home? What if I don’t fit in? As my muscles loosened, more thoughts came to my mind, but I wouldn’t let myself be bothered with them. With failure, comes success. I knew myself better then anyone else, and I knew that if I tried hard enough, this could be a good thing.
I stretched the hair tie off my wrist, gathered my hair into a ponytail at the back of my head and wrapped my elastic around the blonde strands three times. I hung my tee-shirt on a nail in the wall that had been left behind, and headed for the door. I skipped past the three doors leading to empty bedrooms until I came to the top of the stairs, took a deep breathe in and headed down to the front hallway.
“I’m going for a walk, I’ll be back in a bit” I said as I brushed by my older brother.
“You have half an hour, kid. I don’t know when the moving trucks are getting here, but mom will be pissed if you’re not here when they get here!” he said. His voice raising as he got further into the sentence, but by the time he was finished I was already on my way out the front door.
The air was different. The atmosphere was different. The houses were different. Everything was different, I just couldn’t decide whether or not it was a goof different, or a bad different. Cars sped by me, all of them seemingly in a rush. I just wanted to stop them on their ways and tell them that if they kept speeding by, and never stopped to smell the roses, soon enough, life would be speeding them by. I guess that part wasn’t any different from New Jersey. All the adults thinking they’ve lived their lives already. Thinking they had nothing left to experience aside from new updates for their blackberry’s. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to make my own money, make my own life. But through the eyes of everyone but themselves, the adult life looked boring. Every new day was supposed to open new windows to learn something new, not to envelope new potential in a sale’s pitch. I wanted to live life, not drive past it at 90 miles per hour in my company-paid car.
I watched more cars drive by, half trying not to step on the cracks in the pavement. A smile peaked on my face as I pictured myself a while back. Younger mind, shorter attention span, smaller feet, but still the same person. Ever since I could walk I remember my brother singing to me “don’t step on a crack, or you’ll break your momma’s back.” Every since then, I had been so worried about stepping on the cracks on the sidewalk that it had eventually become habit. It was actually kind of embarrassing to think that I was still carry’s on about foolish non-sense.
I was amazed at how open my mind was. If I could have pictured myself in this situation a few days ago, I would picture myself confused, and lost, with a thousand thoughts funning through my head at the same time. I knew then that this new chapter in my life was an opportunity for success, not failure. An opportunity to grow. To grow into the person I wanted to become. To grow in control of my own life. To grow into the adult I had always dreamed of becoming.
I took a moment to catch myself, realizing the pace at which I was walking. I took slower steps, as my mind became more and more clear. I looked up, past the roofs, and the tree-tops and the clouds. I took a moment to take it all in. As I stared up at the seemingly never-ending blue sky, something caught my eye. A big red balloon, filled to the brim with helium floating a couple hundred feet above me. As the wind rushed by, picking up the big red balloon, trailing it behind, I thought about how much I had in common with that big red balloon. Life was on it way to pick me up, and leave me trailing behind, with a sky full of limit-less opportunities and endless possibilities. I stood still watching the red balloon drift farther and farther out of sight until it was nothing but a little red spec in the horizon. I knew that somewhere close, there had to have been a little girl or boy with tears in their eyes as they watched their big red balloon drift farther and farther out of reach. Or maybe the boy or girl wanted to set it free, with new adventures awaiting it. Either way, I knew that at this point in my life, something or someone was setting me free, and I just had to wait for life to come and sweep me away. I knew that in more ways then one, I was just like that big red balloon.
All of a sudden, I was nothing but annoyed. A little boy came running around the street corner yelling and screaming with a worried mother chasing right behind him. I figured it was the kid who had just lost his big red balloon. I picked my feet back up and started heading the same direction I had been moving before the balloon had caught my attention. I let my mind run free and eventually found myself approaching a park. I walked over the dry warm grass and sat myself down on the closest empty bench. I watched as the children ran around laughing and screaming, without a care in the world. Its funny to think that you were like that at some point. As I watched a little boy shove a handful of sand down his pants it became more and more clear that I was proud of who I had become. I was proud of my beliefs and the decisions I had made. I had grown into a strong person, and I would continue to grow. Then, just as I was about to sit up,
“Hey, mind if I sit here?” the words were rushed, slipping out of a mouth full of the straightest, whitest teeth I had ever seen. My eyes worked their way up his tanned face as I caught sight of his big, pale brown eyes.
“Actually, I was just leaving.” I told him, successfully escaping out of a situation that with my luck, would have went horribly wrong.
The boy looked about my age. The way his skin glowed in the afternoon sun made him mysterious. His medium brown hair fell perfectly, just touching the tips of his eyelashes, making it hard to see the shape of his face.
I turned around on my heel and headed straight home, my feet picking up pace. Maybe Danyelle was right. Maybe I would have a hot new boyfriend to show off when her and Kayle came up for a visit.
I walked through the front door, and kicked off my shoes.
“Becks?” Kyler shouted from the kitchen.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“You’ve been gone for over an hour and a half, I thought we agreed on half an hour. You’re lucky mom isn’t here yet.
Just as Kyler said that, a big white moving truck pulled up in front of my brand new house.