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I've been feeling rather despondent recently...due to a many numerous thing, but collectively the result of another.
I spent the large part of my menial and thus far, short term existance, knowing exactly what I wanted to due with my life, my future was visible as if through clear glass; there it was, I had the map, the means, and the . . . um . . . damn, no more illiteration . . . method! Huzzah...but yeah, It was there, ripe for the picking.
But you know how it guys, there's spanners, hammers and the odd chicken thrown into the works and all of a sudden you're up to your teeth in problems that are completely blocking your view of the goal. . . most ordinary people are abe to dig their way through and get there anyway, but as circumstance arose I found myself less and less able to, and as one thing led to another I left university without a degree, left a city of friends and left a beautifuly wonderful girlfriend (guess what, we split up) to move to strood....strood....doesn't it just roll of your tongue? kinda in the same way shit slides down the inside of the toilet, leaving a bad taste and a nasty stain.
So here I am, back with my parents in my cluttered bedroom.
Just recently this glass window into my future has shattered, and spattered with shit it no longer portrays my goals, my aims, I am instead left with a pile of fragments of Ideas and not a clue which to pick....It's kinda like the reverse of an epiphany.
None-the-less, my life is begining to reorganise itself, I'm working, and properly now, now panic attacks, no anxiety, I'm visiting old friends and making new ones, I'm socializing.
Despite it all I can't get over how much I miss my life in Portsmouth, the people mainly, but the socializing and the atmosphere too...and the sex, my and ex and the sex, I miss those two alot, but as i say, mainly its the people, and i find it hard to bring myself to visit, I keep making excuses not to go.
I guess I'm worried that I haven't the control to go down there and come back without my heart being left there, I feel it would just make me feel ten times worse if I do, It's bad enough that i get to see what's going on via these socially destructive websites such as facebook or mayspace....can i use those name s here? ach! who cares....but being confronted by a picture of your ex, with all your good friends, partying it up where you should be....well....that's just a kick in the teeth.
To be perfectly honest....I feel a bit shit.....I think I need a good fuck....
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Posted by antony_d_a on 2008-01-30 18:13:23 | Rating: | Views: 108
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Ah....I think I might have been slightly worse for wear, not even mispellings, but using entirely wrong words:
Due=Do
Guys=Goes
Abe=Able
Mayspace=Myspace
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Posted by antony_d_a
on 2008-02-04 16:15:39
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Hey babe. I just read your blog. Do you still talk to your ex? If you still love her then see if you two can work it out. Don't be scared to rekindle that old flame if it makes you feel better. And I didn't know you went to college. Was it fun? I'll holla some other time babe! Don't hit the bottle too hard.
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Posted by clownlover
on 2008-02-05 11:42:54
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This post could be a monlogue in a play. As shitty as you feel, it must feel a little good to know that you created this post, I like the emotion in it.
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Posted by smileforthecamera
on 2008-06-19 13:05:16
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