My heart and my mind are sad, this sadness has lasted near a week, and i cannot seem to shake it. My thoughts are dreary, my life it seems has lost its appeal. As I write this, I keep coming back to the rule I have. Rules about Suicide. What are the rules of suicide? I wont kill myself because... All the other times I have wanted to kill, to stop feeling the pain, how did I get through? What helped me to see that what I had, what I lived for, was worth staying alive for? This is what its like, my life without direction. I feel as though if I knew where my life was going, I would have a way to get through this "temporary" sadness. I dont even know what is causing this sadness, or do I? When they say that spring is the time for change, I used to imagine how lilfe would be if it changed. I couldnt fathom how different it would be. So, how has my life changed? For just a background of one years worth of information, I once had many friends, people i felt really close to, and people i had fun with. Now those people are gone, either through, moving off and away to schools: to further graduate studies, or to study as undergraduates, Some moved on to create careers, some were killed in car accidents, some married, some found their Life Love's, some committed suicide, all are gone. Through parting ways so many times with various friends, i have found that i do not like goodbyes, i'm not one to say goodbye. I feel uncomfortable and i just leave. Now is one of those times where i wish i could just up and leave. In a town, where there are too many memories, too many thoughts of good times, of people who have moved on, it is I who wish i had direction where i could run from it all. Coming back to the thought of suicide, my rule is a saying that i often use, Don't kill yourself, kill the problem, this of course is not to be taken literally, but it helps to shift the focus of the problem isnt that you or i cant handle the problem, its that we need a different perspective, one that involves our own lives. So in the coming week as i finish finals, and graduate from college, a time where one is supposed to be excited and happy upon completion of such a daunting task, i will try to find a way, to figure out what it is thats next. Wish me luck.