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Get him to sign and date them as well!

From the time of my husband’s confessions I realized that the presence of people around me, whether at home or out, was not coincidence as I had thought before. I took a great deal more notice of what was happening around me. A few nights a week I noticed strange characters arrive and park their cars in the street outside our house. They either went down the embankment to the empty block on the one side of our house or they went up the driveway and into the yard or empty house on the other side. The house was for sale and may have been left open. I began to realize an association between their presence and my heart and breathing problems. I had learnt to control these conditions enough to prevent harm. In the initial period, with my first discoveries I certainly felt dread and very serious health problems. However as time went on and I saw the association vividly, strangely enough the severity of my problems lessened. On one occasion when a man had come into our yard from the bush near the back of our house, I called the police. He was gone by the time the police arrived. They looked around in the bush but found nothing. I told them about the people going onto the empty block next door and into the house on the other side. They told me however that they would not come to my aid if the offenders had not actually stepped onto my property and that furthermore if my husband had invited them, I could not get police help unless they had threatened me directly or done me any physical harm.

The confessions continued as I sat across the table from my husband. All the lights in the house were on and all of the lights outside the house were on. In addition a dozen candles with dancing flames stood on the table. I felt a strong need for light to be everywhere. He continued and some of what he said he was writing down.
“I acknowledge that my behavior is sadistic” he wrote, having voiced the words first. “I derive pleasure from acts of mental cruelty. It is possible that I have aversions to good feelings. My older brother was openly violent towards women and I was angry with him as he was openly doing what I was trying to hide.” He then talked about his dealings with another relative of his, let us call her Heidi. And again he talked about himself but also of me as if he was discussing third parties.
“Early in 1994 when Anna was in Queensland for a holiday Heidi had visited me during her lunch break. We both bad-mouthed Anna and I allowed Heidi access to Anna’s room where private writings were openly about because Anna trusted me. This was done to violate Anna's privacy, to deliberately betray the trust Anna had in me, and to gather material eg Anna’s fears to use against her. I promised Heidi I would continue to violate Anna's privacy to look for information that we could use against her. I bad-mouthed Anna with the express intention of wetting Heidi's appetite for any money, i.e. if Anna died Heidi would get the money; but I didn't promise any money because I intended to cut Heidi out of my will to cover my involvement. I agreed to give Heidi information on Anna’s whereabouts at various times, and Heidi agreed to have Anna followed, intercepted, intimidated and worse. I passed on information by phone to Heidi regarding Anna's movements. I passed on this information so that Heidi and others could take appropriate action such as frightening and attacking Anna. I have been denying the truth by suggesting that Anna’s fears and the danger were imaginary”.

Owing to the continuing presence of strange people around our house I decided to go to the police. The police had already said they would not help but I decided to go anyway. I thought maybe I could get the police either to catch these people or at least stop them from being around me. And as this was a domestic matter I spoke to a policeman who was experienced with domestic violence. The policeman was very supportive but said there was little he could do unless there was physical violence. But he did however tell me that the courts would acknowledge mental cruelty, even if the medical profession did not. He told me I needed evidence. I would have to see exactly the same person or persons near me on at least three successive occasions and that preferably there needed to be independent evidence or a reliable witness. The time that I had the greatest chance to gather such evidence was at home but they came in the dark and I could not reliably ascertain that each time they were the same people. So evidence was not going to be easily obtainable. I told him about my husband’s confessions and at that time he had written several pages. I handed over the exercise book to the police officer who read it. “Hmm” he said “if he is writing the stuff down, get him to sign and date it as well! He also told me about a women’s shelter that I should look into if I need to go somewhere in the future. When I asked for the phone to be tapped to help catch the people he rang and had arrive at the house the policeman said he could not do that as there needed to be strong evidence before the phone could be tapped. But he told me to go back and talk some more if I need to in the future, “that is what we are here for” he said reassuringly.

When I got home I told my husband I wanted him to sign and date the material he was prepared to write down. His response was immediate.
“I, (stating his full name), CONFESS THAT I HAD MY WIFE FOLLOWED OFTEN WHEN SHE WAS DRIVING HER CAR TO AND FROM THE SYDNEY HOME, AT (gave the full address). THE STALKING EVEN TOOK PLACE WHEN I WAS PRESENT IN THE CAR WITH HER. THE AIM WAS TO UNSETTLE ANNA, THROUGH SYSTEMATIC MENTAL CRUELTY. AS A RESULT I SUCCESSFULLY DESTROYED HER HEALTH.” He wrote it in his normal handwriting, even though it was printed in capitals and he signed with his normal signature. He did not have a problem he was saying in writing it down and signing it. To some extent there was defiance in his action. And when challenged he said that all he had to do was say that “he just wrote these things and didn’t know why” and that “he would get away with it”. He said it did not constitute evidence as he arrogantly proclaimed “good people don’t like to believe that such things happen”. “So” he said emphatically “any statements, whether signed and dated or not, mean nothing!” However enigmatically from time to time there was also an unmistakeable element in his voice and in his demeanour that cried out, a need to be exposed. On such occasions he said “maybe some day good people will believe what I have written and want to investigate this matter further”. And over the coming weeks he wrote such blatant confessions again and again. As for instance “I had attempted to destroy Anna's mental health completely with devastating physical affects produced. These attempts were increased when she stopped driving on her own (owing to bad health whilst in Sydney). I felt satisfied at the results that I had seen. I was jealous of Anna's abilities which were much superior to mine and I felt inferior to her. I saw Anna experience extreme difficulty in breathing and I was feeling delighted.” Signed.
And the following… “I engaged hit men to frighten Anna when she was traveling alone or with others, including myself. Anna's health deteriorated under this attack. She seemed to be unable to carry out simple activities which are normally taken for granted eg watching TV, reading a book. She was unable to walk through the adjoining small park.”
“You say you felt satisfied with your actions” I asked with as much composure as I could muster, for I felt very angry.
“I was getting a lot of pleasure out of this” he openly admitted. “It seemed to be having a depressing effect on Anna who was also not very well. If this was maintained her health could be further affected. I usually knew when the hoodlums arrived. When I felt that they had done as much as I wanted them to do. (1/2 hr to 1 hour) I told them to leave. If Anna felt disturbed by the hoodlums I would tell them to leave after 1 hr of disruption.” He admitted that the hoodlums, as he sometimes called them, were other evil people like himself and were therefore not simply doing it for the money but mainly for pleasure it afforded them too. Sometimes he seemed to write callously and out of sheer defiance. “I got some sadistic pleasure out of this - a bit of a high - I got some kicks out of it. What I'm doing will affect her health. This is setting her back and I'm feeling pleasure. I acknowledge what I have written and I feel indifferent about it. Signed”

I was not altogether able to comprehend the enormity of what he was saying and I kept asking him over and over again why he had done it. And some of it sounded obscene.
“I maltreated my wife as I was afraid she would leave because of it. Therefore I employed hoodlums to harass her sufficiently so she would be too concerned with her safety and health to be aware of my behavior, i.e., my maltreatment of her. The control tactic is diversionary tactic. Maltreating my wife is at the heart of the problem. I get some kicks out of hurting other people. I have a feeling of wanting to get my own back i.e., get my revenge.”
For what did he need to get revenge, for though I rattled my brains I could not remember anything that I might have said or done for which revenge, whether rightly or wrongly, would be sought.
“Why did you want revenge?” I asked.
“I believe something has happened to me, for which I want to get revenge. I believe it goes back a long way to my childhood and almost certainly involves my mother - could it be her treatment of me?
“What treatment?” I asked him.
“Mum wanted to control me. At some stage I felt anger about her attempt to control me. I felt angry when I'm used, ignored, not consulted. Being ignored, used and not consulted was DONE regularly without consultation of me - I felt extremely annoyed even angry. Being ignored is the key problem and makes me feel extremely hostile bordering on extreme fury. Fury arises because something is out of control. Being ignored makes me feel stressed because of the emotional pain. There is an injury in me because I was ignored and finally I got angry; even after getting ANGRY the problem was still there. Because of the pain from the injury I want revenge i.e., to injure someone when in relationship.”
I asked him what I had done to make him feel that he wanted revenge. He admitted
“I have directed a lot of anger towards ANNA who is innocent and therefore did not deserve such anger being directed to her.” And he admitted that he had maltreated his first wife too, but not as badly. I asked him again what was the reason for the anger? “The anger is an attempt to gain a fair degree of control and to have a considerable input into any proposed changes in the home if I had any appropriate ideas.” I was very much taken aback by last statement because I was asking and indeed quite often pressing him for his opinions. I had wanted to share anything we did to the house and he was resistant. He kept telling me that he wanting to leave things up to me! I told him about this and at first he gave a look of feigned surprise but he soon acknowledged that I was continually asking for his opinion and he was continually refusing to give an opinion.
“Basically” he said, “I have been tearing down my opponent i.e., the other person in relationship in order to feel superior to them. Normally I feel inferior to others and see them as opponents. Obviously I feel antagonistic towards others, otherwise I wouldn’t see them as opponents” he admitted. “I dislike or have hatred of women and especially women with many abilities, e.g. Anna. I did not provide any assistance or offer of help during the building of the house. I don’t regret the lack of assistance. In fact my attitude has not changed at all. I took very little interest in the building of the house. I'm not full of ideas in relation to home building, whereas Anna has many ideas re-home building. If I were to take any an interest in the building my role would be very small by comparison to Anna's. I'm arguing that my position is that I didn't get involved because I had nothing much to contribute. If this were the case I would have stayed neutral and offered Anna my support. In actual fact I did not offer any support to Anna, but was obstructive instead. The ways in which I was obstructive were
(a) I sided with the builder when I saw he was attacking her.
(b) I played all manner of mind games to put pressure on Anna.
(c) I continued to hire the crims” (his word for criminals).

He admitted that he did not want to co-operate because he wanted to use it as an excuse. He said that he could tell himself that as he had provided no input into the decisions taken and the building process, he must not have been consulted. This idea he said would make him angry and anger meant that he could feel himself in control of the situation because it allowed him to do evil things.
“What I don’t understand is this” I said. “If you recognize that there was a problem in the past with your mother, why are you acting out in the present? What’s past is past!”
“I have the feeling that it is happening now” he said and shrugged his shoulders.

I was becoming very divided in my thinking. A part of me wanted to stay and continue to get information because I was learning a lot of things. But another part of me wanted to leave and leave immediately. I thought that as a step to leaving and shaking off the people he had following me, I might look into going into a woman’s shelter for a short time and then move from there so that he could not know when I would leave town. So I had rung the women’s shelter that the policeman suggested. If I remember correctly he said it was run by the local council. They gave me a time when I could visit them for information about who they are and what they had to offer. I had taken another lady with me, who was my housekeeper at the time. She had admitted to me that she would be too afraid if she were to leave her husband and take the kids, as he would make life very difficult for her if she did, so she understood my situation. It was only general enquiries that I was after as I had told them on the phone, but they made us wait for nearly forty minutes for a particular woman to give me that general information. I tried to approach several others but they either looked away or refused to talk with me. Each time I was told I had to wait and that I could only talk to her. One woman I tried to address even looked anxious, said nothing and left the lobby/office area. From the moment that the woman that I had waited for appeared I could see that she was a woman with attitude and lots of it. She was toxic if ever I’d seen toxic and she was hostile right from the start. I told her about my husband’s behaviour and threats. I did not take the confession book with me because I didn’t think I needed it. After all it was a woman’s shelter I though and surely they would understand. The woman I was with supported what I had said, as she had read from the confession book. However the woman who was interviewing me rudely ignored my housekeeper’s statement of support. She began to ask in an emphatically, in an insolent tone “why would he admit to all that” I realized she was not questioning what my husband was doing nor the threats he had made. She was simply questioning why he would admit to it. And indeed in her demeanour she was projecting an objectionable attitude towards me for speaking up, for bringing this to light! She refused to discuss the evidence and started telling me I should go and see a psychiatrist. So not only was she not supportive, she was effectively siding with my husband. I was rather stunned so I told her I did not need any more advice from her and that I was only interested in what facilities were available. We left. Once outside my housekeeper remarked “I don’t know if you realized it but this woman was trying to build a case against you”. I certainly had realized it and I had also seen her type before. She was toxic and as most toxic people or evil people, however we may wish to call them, they want their way of life kept under wraps. Furthermore this was one of those women who are more of a misogynist than misogynist men! What was she doing in a women’s shelter? But she was there all the same. I realized that this would not be an avenue for me to leave and more than that I wondered if it may even be a dangerous road to take; for this woman who was senior staff was most definitely hostile. Would I be betrayed? Could information about my movements be passed to my husband or someone else? It did not have to have anything to do with my husband. She was put off of her own accord. She was reacting to my bringing to light certain type of abusive behaviour that was characteristic of toxic, controlling and highly manipulative people. And only someone who is of an anti-social, harmful personality, the same personality type as my husband, would be offended by the issues I was raising. This incident pricked my suspicions about something else too. Whenever I rang from my home phone to make an appointment, as I had done in this case, I always encountered problems of one sort or another. If I rang from my mobile I had no problems. This time it felt like too much to be put down to coincidence.

Posted by annavictoria on 2007-12-20 10:40:00 | Rating: