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| "I'll fake the way I hold you"
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I'm listening to my iPod right now.. The Fray is on. I would much rather listen to Colbie Caillat, but I figured it's about time to put her to rest for the day. I've been listening to her non-stop. She speaks to the soul. I wish I could have gone to see her this weekend, but I have lack of money until my refund check comes in.
I've been an avid user of LiveJournal for the past four years but decided to go else where and write for myself, rather than have my friends be able to read my thoughts and criticize them.
The past few days I haven't been doing so well. My depression is lingering stronger than usual. I've been spending the past week or so in bed, just sleeping the day away. I planned on going home this weekend but I don't want my parents to worry, I really don't. I need to get my meds maybe though, sometime soon. I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Atkinson, see if she thinks it's a good idea for me to try them again. I don't really want to resort to them, fake my happiness. I'm not myself when I'm on them. I hate medicated Brie. I really do. It's not me at all. I'd like to talk to my friends about what is going on, but I don't want to burden them with my unhappiness, they don't deserve that to say the least. I'm the one that has to be strong for them, pick up the pieces, make sure they are okay, and I do my damned hardest, too. It works, it really does, but sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself. I feel like I don't matter to them as much as they matter to me. I feel taken for granted. I'm always around whenever they need me and then when I need them, it's not such a big deal, they can just deal with me at their own accord, when the time seems to be there for them to set aside.
We'll see though, I guess?
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Posted by annabeerose on 2007-11-01 20:39:45 | Rating: | Views: 55
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