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Years Gone By

Still waiting. 2 weeks left now. Will it ever get here? In the meantime...still working at the job. Feels like I've been there forever- it's only been 4 months. Not a good sign. I hate to become one of those ppl that keeps hopping from job to job every few months. No one wants to hire someone like that. But good hell if I could find a decent job this wouldn't have to happen. Nobody likes to work. I realize this. But on the scale of 1-10 of jobs mine's definately in the bottom few numbers. Venting makes me feel better about it, so here it is.

I have learned some things from my job, as every job teaches you its own life lessons.
1) 80% of ppl have no manners and are very irrational and rude.
2) People are stupid and have no common sense.
3) It's hard not being able to yell at people and give them your two cents worth back.

Enough of that. I hate my job. But it's $ and I guess that's better than nothing.

Moving on...

I seriously honestly have this thought in the back of my mind that my x boyfriend will end up dead. Either by shooting himself or alcohol poisoning or overdosing. But the thing is that I don't care. Harsh, yes. If you only knew the whole story I wouldn't look like such a bitch. He gets drunk and calls my phone in the middle of the night at least once a month and leaves me drunk messages bawling like a baby. I never answer. I never call back. I ignore him because he's already dead to me. Again, harsh I know. I honestly think he will end up dead. I don't know how long it will take. He is self-destructive, it's more than I can help him with. He tried to destroy me first. He tried his damned hardest. And I almost let him. But once I got strong enough and walked away he began to destroy himself. I just imagine when he finally dies and I'm not surprised and not sad everyone will think I'm a horrible person. I could care less. It's a miracle I'm still here today and I realize that now, and honestly I think he deserves to end up dead. A black eye. Marks around my neck a few times from being choked with both of his hands. Choked by a towel once too, I didn't even think that was possible. My head held down in the sink with the water running. A hard hit in the jaw that stayed swollen and sore for a week. My head hit against the steering wheel repeatedly while I was driving on a highway with both of us in the car. Bad times. Bad memories. Tried to overdose twice because it fucked with my life so much. I couldn't escape what he did to me. I made it. The funny thing is now, about 3 years later, it doesn't bother me at all. Somehow I've pushed all of that out of my life and my head. I still remember. But it's not a part of me anymore. I'm a different person. He's the most evil person I've met in my whole life. Now he's ruined himself after he tried to ruin me, and I do nothing but sit back and watch him die slowly. He's left messages in the middle of the night saying he will kill himself. He's told his brothers before. But he never does it. But I really think it's going to happen. Maybe soon, maybe years from now. Maybe I'm an evil person for doing nothing to help. Or maybe he will get what he deserves. Call me what you want, but that's the truth.