Damn it's been a long day! My brother brought his baby for me to babysit at 6 a.m. and I've been running every since! Took all the kids to the pool today... fun but totally crazy!

It took me all of about 1 minute to crack a beer after we got home and my brother came to get my niece! I wonder when I became unable to deal with daily life?? The things that happen in a person's normal average daily life make me wanna drink. The thing that worries me the most is how functional I've become. I take care of my day ... cooking, cleaning, playing with my kids, doing laundry... Once dinner is done tho I knock 'em back. If I have a bad day I drink ... If I have a great day I drink ... If I'm bored or lonely in my day I drink!

I thought that after kickin meth Nothing could take over me like that again. I was so wrong!! I'm stuck here in this hell. I must tell you tho, when you're on dope you feel nothing. No happy, no sad, no bored, no tired, no hungry ... nothing! THIS I feel!! I hurt so much that I drink and then I drink so much I hurt!!

I know I will get through this somehow ... someday ....

GOD I hope it's soon!