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I will be moving across the country, away from family, friends, and home to start new in order to continue chasing this crazy dream. So many sacrafices, many people do not even realize I had to make, but I make them because I would rather work in a job I love every day, then be unhappy. I'll just be unhappy about it now.
I guess this is what I did want. The freedom from "them". To be able to breath and live. To be able to be me. Though I am never too sure. There are some things I know I did not want to deal with, but they come as part of the package. I left those roommates behind because of their choices and how they started to interfere with my life. Lying, cheating, stealing, and burning bridges... I feel so jaded. I hate that I am trying to be the bigger person. I hate I keep my mouth shut and they spread lies and rumors. I hate how he told me to my face that he and my ex-roommate (his lover) told his wife I was lying about thier affair. I hate how people listen to them, and judge me. I am in the wrong because of what they say. She was so scared about being judged she is pointing the finger on me, but you know what, karma will have to come around. I try so hard to only judge people on their interactions with me. NOT those around them. I hate how people do judge me, walk a mile in my shoes and tell me how easy life is.
I am unhappy right now. I am a burden to my parents, a burden to my family. I do not have someone to comfort me and I am so lonely. The killer there, I have always been lonely. Only found someone who "gets me" once, but he disappeared forever ago. I wasnt ready and neither was he, and we changed. Not together like we should have, but apart. And now I am so lonely. This downhill crawl on the rollercoaster is not fun, I just hope it heads up soon enough.
xxoo
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Posted by anapsiddvm on 2009-11-01 14:00:52 | Rating: | Views: 49
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