Thoughts.com Blogs - Moving Along

     If you are wondering if I am feeling better because I haven’t blogged in a while, you are right! March and April have almost flown by and though it has been more like a roller coaster ride, most of the ride has been uphill. In March, I went back to the ER because I was still so sick from the infection I had. This time they did not have to admit me and after hanging around in the ER room for about 5 hours we left at 1am. I was feeling so much better and by the grace of God each day after that was better. The infection was FINALLY gone and I was basking in all that I was able to do. I went back to work full-time, I started driving again, and I stopped waking up in the morning before the hour of 5am. So much of my energy has come back and the only medicine that I am still on is the Lyrica for my leg. It is for the nerve pain and let me tell you that without that; it is like carrying around a 900 pound brick attached to my right leg. And I won’t even get into the shooting pains that accompany this. So if that is all I have to take then that is fine with me. I know one day, I will get to run and dance again. I know everything will be better. I can vision it; feel it.
     I talk to God a lot these days. I am not begging Him for anything. I just tell Him how thankful I am for His continuous healing. Come May 12th, they will find that Larry, Moe, and Curly are stable and or continuing to shrink. I just know it. I have testing (CT and MRI) on that day and we will find out the results on the 13th. I would like to think that they already have everything they need from me to study ASPS. After all, Mr. Lumpy was large enough for them to study every aspect of it that they possibly could. And I am more than willing to continue to be tested, poked, and prodded for the rest of my life for them to find out that their past studies of the “5 -10 years” survival rate will be wrong. They just completed a study involving 70 patients. Though remember – they haven’t seen a “fresh one” like me in a while.
     Everything that has happened in my life has happened for a reason. A good family friend sent me the warmest fuzzy in an email this morning and she pointed out all that has happened in my life and reminded me that I have overcome so much. I have learned more that I thought I would in a lifetime and yet, I know I am nowhere even close to learning everything He wants me to. You can sit back and let the hardships you endure in life overcome you or you can rise above and learn from them. From an early age, I must have had it in me to learn from it and move on. I can’t put anything in a “box” and save it for later as Marcia Cross does on Desperate Housewives. I deal with it no matter what it is. A student said to me this morning that she wished she could just fast forward life to all the fun stuff. I smiled at her and said, the “fun stuff” will only mean that much more when you have worked for it. We have to have those bumps in the road to learn from them. March 17th was one year since I was diagnosed and I have truly changed so much as a person. I look back to how I was over a year ago and I was definitely fast forwarding in life. Oh, I was living all right, but I wasn’t REALLY living. Did you know that I will find myself at a random hour in the day looking so forward for the next morning? I could be having a great day and still I will think to myself that I can’t wait to wake up the next day and do this all over again. I love getting up, having a cup of coffee and reading the paper. I start with the funnies first of course. There I am at 5:30am laughing at “Blondie” and “Garfield”. Then I attempt to work the Galveston crossword and later skim the paper for what is happening and get ready for work. I also love walking across our crosswalk each morning. Debbie, Misty, and Mr. Randle, are always there to cheer me on. They will say “Wow, look at you walking!!” Yes, it’s true – The Texas Ranger is currently collecting dust in my garage. I don’t need it. Or that brace that made me walk even funnier. And I love working with my team and students. I don’t think about anything but all that they are learning during the day. And I know I have worn them out because there have been many a days lately that I am “crashing” before dinner. I am sure you think (and you are right!) that I am still not taking enough time out for myself. Well, last night I had a little talk with myself about that so no worries. I am looking forward to summer time so my body can rest and heal. I love swimming and I am still waiting for that water to warm up so I can stick more than my toe in it.  I think swimming and water aerobics will be very good for me.
     Last Friday was Relay for Life. We had the most amazing team captain and team! Margaret Anne was our team captain and she was wonderful. She has agreed to do it every year and I am right there with her! Everyone brought chairs and snacks and Janet made brownies (I ate 3) and there we all were – together. It started out with the survivor lap and an amazing speech. See, this event is for everyone to know that cancer isn’t only in the day when we can see it; it’s at night too…those sleepless nights, the nightmares and fear is there and it’s hard to smash it when you’re tired and sick. But we aren’t alone. And I know that. My husband, Sean, swelled my heart when he surprised me in the beginning of the survivor lap and asked if he could walk it with me. I took his arm and so there we were, Pete, Becky, Sean and I walking together with all of the other survivors. Everyone was cheering and clapping as we all walked our lap. And there were candle filled bags with survivor’s names on them and also for those in our hearts and memories all around the track. I didn’t even know what to say there were so many and when I saw all the bags with my name on it I was simply speechless. You haven’t forgotten me – you are still praying for me and that means more than anything. Our team raised over $2200 for Relay and I wanted to thank you all for donating your time, energy, and support to this amazing event. Shawna, Nick, Philip, Andy, Holly, Cookie, Big Bob, Odo’s, Maureen…I am sure there are even more and I thank you too, but I was given these names and I wanted to send a special shout out to ya! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I said to Becky that I couldn’t believe that I had never been apart of this event and that I really only found out what it was in its entirety last year. She said to me that having cancer opens your eyes to so much that we didn’t see before. She couldn’t be more right. And even though I couldn’t make it past 10pm this year, I am definitely going to stay all night next year. Pizza and a scavenger hunt at midnight??? That is so my thing.
     I am a survivor. I will always be one. I have survived a lot this past year. All of the tests they have done, surgery, kidney stint, catheter insertion, chemo, radiation, understanding loss, finding my strength and doing what’s best by me, and learning when to say no. Wow – as I look back, I never would have imagined this would be the road I would have taken. Sometimes, I wonder myself where all of this positivity is coming from. I can’t answer that. It is just in me to take one step at a time. (Ali had to remind me this last night - To remind myself to stick with Plan A and not worry about Plan B unless we had to.) I am really just taking each day as it is. Lately, I have found myself doing too much and I am realizing that I need to slow down. I don’t know what I would do with out Sean. He is just wonderful and he keeps me smiling all the time. I feel the continuous support from all of you too and I need you to pray extra hard that Larry, Moe, and Curly have not grown. PLEASE. Till next time…..
Remember -
Carpe Diem!