I have this book. I write in it when i want to tell him something but i cant. It knows me more than anyone or anything. I decided that I need to put it online but make it were he dsnt no about it until i want him to so it couldnt be my myspace. There is so much going on in my life and i need to be able to let it all out and i find myslef texting myslef all the time just to let it out and this way maybe someone will read this and i don't know maybe someone is in or was in the spot im in. My freinds call me Dare mostly cus my name is hard to say for some people. There is so much in my life that i regret. My first love, my first kiss, my first real boyfreind was all the same person. His name is David. If it wasnt for him I would have never met the people i met. And i wouldnt be who i am and that was only 2 years ago.  And i want to take it back but i can't. My half sister is the reason why i thought id never do drugs. Never have sex. I truley hate her and i hate to hate people. It took my entire life of her trashing it for me to not want anything to do with her. Im in love with this guy. His name is Justin. But i really like this guy named Mackie. But mackie has screwed me over and so im moving on. But theres these other two guys that are in love with me and i wish i could love them back but i cant. Anways moving back to Justin. Ive known him for almost a year. We've been dating off and on since about march. He's truley this amazing guy. I cant tell him why i love him becuase there isnt just one reason why I do. Its everything about him. He's in the navy and is stationed in Japan. I havnt seen him. Hes also 6 years older than i am. I once told him that i could never be with him and he tryed to commit suicide. I couldnt eat or sleep until i new he was okay. Which was about a week. And even now hwen i think about it i cant. I dont know waht id do if i lost him. This morning he kept saying how hes not a good boyfreind becuase hes not here. How hes not good enough nd crap. I kept trying to tell him other wise but he wouldnt listen and so i told him hes loosing me by saying that stuff and he slit his arm. I couldnt believe it. And he didnt loose me. I told him when we first started dating that i would wait for him forever and i will. I would do anything to be with him and walk a thousand miles to see him. But he doesnt believe me. I don't no why. I jsut want to be with him. Am i crazy?