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"do you understand just how much I feel for you?

So yesterday didnt go great. Ha, thats the under statement of the year. IT WENT HORRIBLY. I haven't been able to focus in class. I have tons of make-up work. Including some essay for English, and its just so, ugh I can't even say. I almost didnt eat lunch yesterday. I started getting that mind-set again. That whole, "Screw this, I cant control any of this crap. I'm NOT eating. Its the only thing in my control". But I ate. The crazy thing is, Blondie popped in my head. And I could hear her say, "CherBear, DONT do this to yourself. Do you really think you NOT eating is going to make everything go away? CherBear, Marissa, this won't solve anything and you know it. You know that I love you, and it would kill me to see you do this again." So I ate, for her. And I'm glad I did. My stress level is through the room as it is. And my CM teacher mouthing off and giving me MAJOR attitude? Ummm yeah, IT DOESNT HELP. This is bull, and I can't keep putting myself through this. It's not fair to me. Here I am doing everything I've been asked to do. And what do I get in return? A bunch of crap and attitude. What, is there a sign on my back that says, "Hey, make things more difficult on me! Maybe if you're lucky, I'll cry!" I mean COME ON PEOPLE! I REFUSE to let my eating disorder get the best of me. It's a very dark place my eating disorder, and I never want to go back. Awhile back, a good friend of mine challenged my E.D. Basically saying she didnt think I really had one. Which upset me. Did she really think I would say that for attention? Ummmm no! In fact, thats the LAST thing I wanted. I didnt even want to tell my mom. My eating disorder is real, unfortunatly. And it may not be what may be called a "textbook E.D.". Well, screw what other people think my eating disorder should appear like. Look at our society. We live in a place where its considered in style in Hollywood to have an eating disorder and look like you could easily break in half. Look at the message that sends to kids. It has to stop! Well, thats all for now.